If you’re looking for a beautiful person that deserves to be loved and respected just take a quick glance in the mirror. You’re wonderful. – Terry Alex (Twitter)
Through the last several years, piece by piece, my identity has been stolen. No not in a legal sense, but in an emotional sense. I remember someone coming up to me a few years back and saying, “——– said you were so pretty before you and your husband were married.” This person had not been around me through all my struggles, she also had no idea that her words were like a stabbing sword.
Why would you say that to someone any way?
Aside from the chemical depression that I face, life storms happened and happened and happened. An adoption fraud, infertility, cancer and other not so minor health issues, financial problems, family drama, and now remembering my abuse. When you add all of that on top of the day to day minor ins and outs of life, my identity became submerged in the abyss. Why has my counteance changed? I wonder?
Most days I do not feel like crawling out of bed and changing clothes. My hair. The hair that was once everyone envyed and strangers stopped me on the street and complimented me about. It is always pulled back in a bun. Make up? Rarely. I remember once someone coming up to me asking if I was a hand model because my hands were always manicured. Not now. Jagged, some nails nervously chewed. I feel and look unkept all the time.
Really the only people I want to see are my family, they are my security. I make myself go to Church and feel better on the days that I can go. A spiritual boost. However, migraines often make it impossible to attend.
Please do not think I am whining. I just wanted to truly give you a peek in. When I say a peek, I mean a peek, there are so many things in a depressed and anxious persons life that are not pretty.
One day I will share, but for right now those suffering behind smiles please know you are not alone. For those that meet those smiles, be sensitive with your words. Words can hurt an already wounded heart.
Mormon Messages always seem to reach my soul. I particularly relate to this one today. it is called Your True Identity.