Identity Theft

If you’re looking for a beautiful person that deserves to be loved and respected just take a quick glance in the mirror. You’re wonderful. – Terry Alex (Twitter)

20130517-113922.jpg

Through the last several years, piece by piece, my identity has been stolen. No not in a legal sense, but in an emotional sense. I remember someone coming up to me a few years back and saying, “——– said you were so pretty before you and your husband were married.” This person had not been around me through all my struggles, she also had no idea that her words were like a stabbing sword.

Why would you say that to someone any way?

Aside from the chemical depression that I face, life storms happened and happened and happened. An adoption fraud, infertility, cancer and other not so minor health issues, financial problems, family drama, and now remembering my abuse. When you add all of that on top of the day to day minor ins and outs of life, my identity became submerged in the abyss. Why has my counteance changed? I wonder?

Most days I do not feel like crawling out of bed and changing clothes. My hair. The hair that was once everyone envyed and strangers stopped me on the street and complimented me about. It is always pulled back in a bun. Make up? Rarely. I remember once someone coming up to me asking if I was a hand model because my hands were always manicured. Not now. Jagged, some nails nervously chewed. I feel and look unkept all the time.

Really the only people I want to see are my family, they are my security. I make myself go to Church and feel better on the days that I can go. A spiritual boost. However, migraines often make it impossible to attend.

Please do not think I am whining. I just wanted to truly give you a peek in. When I say a peek, I mean a peek, there are so many things in a depressed and anxious persons life that are not pretty.

One day I will share, but for right now those suffering behind smiles please know you are not alone. For those that meet those smiles, be sensitive with your words. Words can hurt an already wounded heart.

Mormon Messages always seem to reach my soul. I particularly relate to this one today. it is called Your True Identity.

Advertisements

About Hope

I am forty year old survivor and a five year old victim of sexual abuse. I live with severe depression and anxiety, and in 2013 was diagnosed with DID and PTSD. My journey is to reintegrate my alter and the adult me into a whole person, healthy person, and one that can empathize with others.

2 thoughts on “Identity Theft

  1. You aren’t alone either. I suffer from depression as well. Along with a lot of other problems, too, but you follow me so you’ve probably already heard of some of them now. Anyway, this post resonated with me. People have no idea comments like these can really stab someone in the heart if they’re already going through so much.

    1. Yes they can, and they stay with us, unfortunately. It is so much easier for us to hear and remember the negative than to hear and remember the positive. I have often heard positives from those who love me, but my mind captures and remembers this.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a reply.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s