Today I took a step deeper connecting with my inner child. I looked at pictures of my childhood. I am four in this picture. The look on my face is sweet, innocent, and I know I was trusting. I just want to jump into this picture and tell her not to go into the woods with him. EVER!!
I want to give her back the life she was supposed live. Trust should not have been destroyed at such a young age. I say it time and time again, my family is wonderful. They have loved and supported me as they have known how, and the trust issues have not been with them so much as it has in relationships with those I have dated, or unfortunately my husband. Warranted or not.
I want her to know it is okay to make mistakes in life. Whether in school or in life in general, she does not have to compare herself to what she thought was perfection in someone else, or those whom she perceived as receiving greater love or attention. She has her own strengths and talents can make a mark on the world all of her own.
I want her to know that she did not have to hide behind food, she does not, I do not. Food does not have to be our comfort.
I want her to know that though there are hard times and scary times, there are really happy times too. We have fun times laughing with our family, alot. You are often the one creating the laughter. That is a talent you have. Finding humor in life. (We will find our laughter again.)
I want you to know that though I do not seem alright now, I promise I will get that way. We will be stronger. We will, and that quiet strength that she has given me, will pull us through. It will lead us to the hearts of people we can help on their healing journey and as one whole person, we will have true empathy. Her courage to carry this burden alone for these years makes me have the courage to finish the race, she just has to relinquish the torch to me so we can heal.
I cannot silence all of your fears yet Hope, but stick with me and trust me, we will make it.