The Irreverent Fart–A Girl with Low Blood Sugar, The Temple, and A Fiber Bar–Awful Combination

Daily Prompt: Ha Ha Ha
Tell us a joke! Knock-knock joke, long story with a unexpected punchline, great zinger — all jokes are welcome!

I am very grateful for this prompt today. I needed something to laugh about. I found out my disability was denied. I could go off on the joke of how the inconsistencies are in society, but I will not. I will tell a really funny story from my life.

The year 1996, I had just recovered from a nasty stomach bug, and my friends and I decided to go to the Mt. Timpanogas Temple. My good friend Trish and I decided to do participate in proxy sealings. Families can submit names and bring them to the temple and have them sealed by Priesthood authority for time and all eternity. It is a beautiful promise, blessing, and ceremony. As I knelt at the altar in proxy for a daughter I started to get shaky, the room to narrow to a black pinhole, and voices became distant. Next thing I remember was my feet propped up on the altar cushion with a washcloth on my forehead, little old white haired lady fanning me, and Trish saying, “Banana are you okay”? As she giggled with a worried look on her face.

We were able to get me to a chair and I sipped some cool water as they finished the next few sealings. I was still shaking so I excused myself, and went and sat on a couch outside the hallway. This sweet little lady came and said, “Maybe it is your blood sugar”. After I told her that I had recently gotten over the bug, she disappeared for a few minutes and came back with a chocolate brownie. She said that she had this in her purse and that it should help stablize my blood sugar. I noticed the brownie had a chalky texture and the flavor alittle off, but I thought it was because my taste buds were off from being sick. I learned quickly, how wrong I was.

I ate it and drank some more cool water and before long I was feeling a good bit better. Rather than disturbing the sealing session again, she asked if we wanted to go sit in the Celestial Room a while. The Celestial Room is beautiful, and amazing. It is very quiet and reverent. You can sit and pray and talk with your Father in Heaven in quiet reflection. No one disturbs you or your peaceful thoughts. To me it is Heaven on Earth. I often call it Heavenly Father’s living room.

This is a picture from the open house brochure of the Mt. Timpanogas Celestial Room.

20130621-103508.jpg

So Trish and I went. We sat on the couch in the middle of the room. There were only two others in the room, one brother by the glass window and one sister standing by the door. It was perfectly quiet and peaceful. I prayed in gratitude for those that helped me earlier and for the little lady having a brownie, and then…blurp. A bubble in my stomach. I opened my eyes and peaked over at Trish to see if she had heard it. Her eyes were still closed, good.

Blurp, blurp, blurp. My goodness I thought, something is going on in my stomach. I imagined it to be like one of those science fair experiments with the vinegar and baking soda. Please stay down. Please stay down! WRONG REQUEST!

Because down it went, with turbo force. I grabbed Trish’s arm. She had heard it that time. “OH my word, stomach cramp!”. I whisper yelled. Wide eyed she giggled. I bent over in pain. RIPPPPP!

When you toot in the Celestial Room and their are only four people in there the couch does not muffle it. “BANANA!!!” She whisper yelled.

I jumped up tears from laughing and pain in my eyes. RIPPPPP!!!! The echo bounces around the room. I know I have just scourched Trish’s eye brows off. Looking forward the door and the little lady waiting beside it seem miles away. Still I have to get out of this room. There is no where to hide. I feel bad for disturbing the reverence and peace. RIPPPPP!!!

I start taking steps Toot! Toot! Toot! Toot! Each step a toot, the faster I stepped the faster they came, then another horribe cramp. I grabbed my stomach and doubled over RRRRIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!! I am not sure, but I bet the chandlier probably rattled. I am laughing and crying, in this doubled over position I can see the brother by the window, he is smirking trying to keep his composure. Trish is still on the couch pretending to pray, but her shoulders jumping up and down, give it away that she is really just trying to compose herself.

Then I hear it, the rustle of the curtains. An endowment session is about to come in. Oh my goodness. I have got to get out of here.

I feel her little hands on my shoulder, the little old matron at the door. “Sister, are you okay”? I lifted my head and looked up sweat dripping from my noise. “I am not sure. Seems that I have an upset stomach”. I stood up. RIPPPPPP!

“Do you think you can make it to the bathroom? I’ll show you where it is.”

And together we walked Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.

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About Hope

I am forty year old survivor and a five year old victim of sexual abuse. I live with severe depression and anxiety, and in 2013 was diagnosed with DID and PTSD. My journey is to reintegrate my alter and the adult me into a whole person, healthy person, and one that can empathize with others.

10 thoughts on “The Irreverent Fart–A Girl with Low Blood Sugar, The Temple, and A Fiber Bar–Awful Combination

    1. It does! That reminds me of slipping on an orange in middle school, by the trash can, you guessed it…head into garbage. Ketchup on face and glasses…it looked like something straight out of the movies! Bytheway, I could not figure out how to get the award picture on my blog. :). That’s why I have not done it yet. 😉

      1. Lol! I’ve slipped but nothing that funny, just fell flat on the floor. 🙂
        It’s okay about the picture. I’m happy that you accepted it, picture or not. 🙂
        If you do want to add it anyway then the option to add it is in appearance>widgets.

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