Kind of Quiet and Blahhh

At Church today several people asked if I was ok, or how was I doing. I did not know how to answer. Finally one personally picked up my cues and said, “You are really really quiet today, ARE you okay”? I felt it was okay to say, no, I am not.

I have a wonderful Church family. They are great, and I am at home in my congregation. It is hard though, when they have seen you crying for weeks and weeks, months even. Not all know what is going on. They do not have the words, neither do I really. I go to Church to fill my empty cup. It has been bone dry this week.

A friend who has experienced some of the similiar experiences in her life came to visit today. It was amazing to see her, and have a hug from her. Oh how I miss her.

Right now my husband and I are watching “Food Network Star”. I am struggling trying to not take something for my headache, it is trying to turn into a migraine.

Thunderstorms keep rolling through and each change in the barometric pressure makes my head worse, but I love the thunder. Except when my husband eggs my dogs fear of it on and they use me as a trampoline, making sure I hear it. “Roscoe, what was that?” he asks, then Roscoe, jumps on me as if to say, “You heard that thunder right mom?”

I think the headache is going to win, Maxalt, here I come.

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About Hope

I am forty year old survivor and a five year old victim of sexual abuse. I live with severe depression and anxiety, and in 2013 was diagnosed with DID and PTSD. My journey is to reintegrate my alter and the adult me into a whole person, healthy person, and one that can empathize with others.

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