Blank Page, Blank Stare, Blank Mind

Ever had one of those days that you just cannot think? I look at the screen and my mind is blank, there is nothing coming to mind to blog about. I know I am depressed, I cannot put my finger on why, except that we had to shell out alot of money for new tires and we still have that awful shake. The hubby now thinks it is the tie rod ends. That will be another $400 atleast, I just paid $150 on medical bills this morning and more I need to send off.

Crawling under my blanket and hiding does not seem to help. The world keeps turning. I should get dressed and go try to take some pictures, but my mind is so jumbled right now. I want to sleep.

In my dreams I have spent time with those that have passed away. My friend MJ has been in my dreams alot lately, and my Grandmother last night. I am supposed to be keeping a dream journal for therapy, but I am only remembering bits and pieces of the dreams, so I have not written any down. I know that spending time with MJ and Grandmother– I do not want to wake up from those dreams. I wish I could snatch them from the dream and bring them back, no, no I don’t. I do not wish the world that we live in today on them, since they have already passed their test. I will just meet them in my dreams occassionally. Enjoying the familiarity without them being subjected to this world again.

I suppose for someone that did not have anything to say, I am rambling. I guess I will go see if I can capture something in nature with my camera.

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About Hope

I am forty year old survivor and a five year old victim of sexual abuse. I live with severe depression and anxiety, and in 2013 was diagnosed with DID and PTSD. My journey is to reintegrate my alter and the adult me into a whole person, healthy person, and one that can empathize with others.

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