Tonight I went to a baby shower. It was difficult, to say the least. I absolutely love and adore the couple that I went for, and I am excited for them, but inwardly I hurt that it will never be me. I have so many emotions going on right now.
I am starting to understand my PTSD more. When one thing goes wrong, or is triggered, my whole world crumbles from the inside out. Remembering past traumas, I hate it. I suppose understanding it is one of the first steps to dealing with it.
I want to crawl away and hide right now. I just took a Maxalt for my head as there was peppermint at the shower. Life sometimes stinks even when it is really happy.
There were many things hidden behind my smiles tonight.