It’s A Date

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I have a date today. With someone who needs some TLC. This person comes recommended by others pretty highly.

I am nervous about this date. Not exactly sure what we will do.

The first thing we did was have lunch with my Mother and Aunt at Old Times County Buffet. Yummy. It was delicious. My date made rude remarks about how much I ate. I wish someone would shut them up.

I was so excited to see a dear friend from school come in. My date was too. They stopped nagging me for a while and we started remembering times from school.

The next stop on our date is the mall. I am not a mall shopper. I find it hard to shop with my eyes only, and my bank account is hating life. We entered by jC Penny’s, the salon. Oh, I had just mentioned to my Mother that I wanted a haircut. Maybe I should drag my date in there just to ask the cost. Asking the cost would not hurt a thing right? Maybe my date would pay if it is not too much. I have not had a hair cut since December 2011, or it might have been late Winter 2012. These days my hair is frizzy and long. Dry and damaged.

I asked the prices. The Master Stylist that I spoke to looked at my hair and pulled out this neat little card. Complimentary haircut with purchase of deep conditioning, I am going to get out of here with cut style and deep treatment for $25. My date frowned initially telling me that I am not worth it, but I figured that if I get it I might feel better and be more appealing to my date.

I do not see what everyone sees in this date. Why they recommend them so highly. All I have heard is negativity and belittling from them.

I am under the hair dryer for the deep conditioning. It heat is so relaxing, the sound soothing. I think I could go to sleep. I am eager to see what comes of the mess on my head. I will not show you the front but this is the before front.

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Looks like Cousin It.

Finished, stylist was very nice. I am not sure if it is because my date keeps telling me that it looks awful, not much change, or if I really do look like a poodle that needs a dye job that went through a car wash and then stepped through that air dryer. I keep looking on my wrist at my trusty scrunchy, but of fear hurting the stylist’s feelings I do not pull back my hair.

Now my date and I sit in the middle of the mall because I do not remember where my Aunt was going to be and she let her phone battery go dead. I hate that she is in the mall pushing herself around in a wheel chair, my mind is just blank. I sit here hoping to see her rolling by.

I have learned today that taking myself on a date is not the best thing to do. Even as I try to pamper and love myself the other feelings are too loud. How did I get here? I could never and would never treat another Child of God like this.

I am sitting around watching people, wondering what their life story is. Looking at the children, what does their story hold.

How many people have done the same to me? How many got it wrong? How many got it right?

I guess we will never know.

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About Hope

I am forty year old survivor and a five year old victim of sexual abuse. I live with severe depression and anxiety, and in 2013 was diagnosed with DID and PTSD. My journey is to reintegrate my alter and the adult me into a whole person, healthy person, and one that can empathize with others.

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