Why Have I Not Posted, Scared I Suppose

I suppose you have noticed that I have been absent from my blog this week. Just writing this post I am getting anxiety, but as part of being real, I wanted to share what is going on.

I have had several migranes lately during the day, but that is not the reason I have not been posting. Honestly, I have been trying really hard to process the last time I disassociated. It really scared me.

I realized how out of control my life is. I am trying to figure out ways to reach Little Hope. Promises I have made, she does not recognize as promised she has made and that scares me.

This week when I have not been battling the inner demons of how to deal with her, I have laid here with my mind blank, numb almost, wondering where my life has gone. I hurt constantly mentally and physically.

My doctor is fighting with my insurance company trying to get them to pre-approve my MRI for my back. The nerve conduction study came back with nerve root damage, but they need to do the MRI to see what is pressing on the nerve roots.

Who knows what is going to happen.

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About Hope

I am forty year old survivor and a five year old victim of sexual abuse. I live with severe depression and anxiety, and in 2013 was diagnosed with DID and PTSD. My journey is to reintegrate my alter and the adult me into a whole person, healthy person, and one that can empathize with others.

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