Category Archives: Friends

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

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Photo Credit: ak2.polyvoreimg.com

With childlike giddiness, I keep watching the weather reports. Snow is such a special treat here. We have a pretty good chance of it Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. I know like a child on Christmas Eve, I am not going to be able to sleep. I will be keeping a watchful eye out the window to see if I can catch a glimpse of the white fluffy stuff.

Of course, the worry wart in me is not far behind the giddiness. I worry to death about my hubs and other family and friends being on the road. There are many people who do not know how to drive in the snow, red Georgia clay yes, snow, not so much. My hubs has had experience in the snow, but the other prediction is the dreaded frozen rain. I do not look forward to that.

I remember the storm of 1993. That was insane. EVERYTHING was covered in ice. I was dating a soldier at the time, and they had a run down on the island. I hated him going by himself to that so I went with him. OH. MY. GOODNESS.

We had trees falling in front of the car, well a tree, and we were slipping and sliding all over the place. The most terrifying was driving over the Sydney Lanier Bridge.

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Photo Credit: Ameco-USA.com

You have seen the signs “Bridge Ices Before Road”, I can vouch. With the wind and the ice, his little beater of a Ford Escort, was pushed very close to the edge. I had my eyes closed praying, but you could hear and feel the impact on the car. My date said he was very glad I had my eyes closed, and even more glad that I was praying.

I cannot believe our soldiers had to run in it. I waited in the little Escort with near hurricane force winds was making the car shimmy. It was so cold too, so so cold. After the run we went and walked on the beach. Not the smartest thing. Did I mention it was COLD? Cold and that wind, felt like we were being sandblasted with ice and well, beach sand.

When we arrived back at my parents place, we found my home powerless. What a nightmare. My family and I went up to my Granny’s (now my home) because she had power. Sadly we forgot to take our Beta fish, Frog. Frog succumbed to the cold in our powerless home. He was such a good fish.

So here I type, I am putting my request in for Heavenly Father, and Mother Nature respectively, snow only please, and enough that it is pretty and a little fun, so not too much. I want some nice pictures of my furbabies playing in it.

Thanks for reading! ~Hope

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Heartbreak Sweethearts

Heartbreak Sweethearts.Many many years ago in a small town not too far away lived three best friends. No not Larry, Moe, and Curly, but Tweedle-Dee, Tweedle-Dumb, and Tweedle-Stupid. The three loudest and craziest NKOTB, also known as New Kids on the Block, fans that you could ever hope to find.

We most literally joined ourselves at the hips most weekends. Walking arms linked, crossing leg over leg over leg, singing, “Hey, Hey we’re the Monkeys.” Or bouncing and bebopping around singing NKOTB songs. Wandering stores walking up to strangers asking, “Where’s Bubba? Have you seen Bubba?” Trying to keep a straight face as we talked in the silly voices and gave a description of our missing imaginary “Bubba”.

We shared the off-key dream of becoming the next girl band, of course to tour with our successful and dreamy husbands, Donnie, Danny, and Jordan, or which three we chose that week. Sometimes going a month or two without changing our favorite, then we knew it was true undying love.

Our group name The Heartbreak Sweethearts. We spent hours practicing into microphones AKA hair brushes in my room or the room of one of my “band mates.” We still have the VHS and cassette recordings to prove it. I would say it is blackmail, but I think we all three love the memories and the laughter incited by it, that I could never be blackmail.

It was such a fun time.

Once we even attempted a rap song. Calling ourselves, get this…DaMob.. So the rap went. (I’ll try to type it out how we sang it beat wise.)

Yo we DaMob
We got somethin’
To Say

We gonna
Teach you
How to par~ty
In a brand new way

You think alcohol and drugs
Are the way to go
Well life is much easier
If you
JUST — SAY — NO!!!!

It was so funny, but it was also something we lived by. We had good clean and crazy fun. We were cool like that.

So the Daily Post Challenge is to take you to where I spent my sixteenth birthday? To come along you must wear stone washed jeans, yeah the kind that when you bought them you found the tiny sand and stones in the pockets. Now do not forget to roll-cuff your jeans tightly at the ankles. Also do not forget your white Keds and white socks. Just incase you are confused you can refer to the picture album cover above. This was taken the night of our party. Our faces have been blurred to protect us from the embarrassment of such fashion taboos.

Don’t worry it’s not requisite to wear NKOTB attire. We did and man were we proud. My sister made these shirts for us. I still have mine somewhere. She put our NKOTB nickname on the pocket. Mine was Cheese. (Which happened to be Donnie’s also. I always seemed to make my way back to Donnie. The bad boy.)

The music for the evening. You guessed it. We played so much New Kids, but we did share the night we a couple of other friends, male friends, so other music was mixed in to give some variety.

My Daddy brought and requested a specific song to dance with me, I am so bummed that none of us can remember the name of it. I called and asked my parents. I remember dancing and laughing with Daddy. He thought he was embarrassing me, but I thought it was great. I thought I would never forget the name of the song. I hope one day I will hear and remember it.

I hope that I have it in one of my journals. I do not think I wrote in my journal that night or the day after because I went to stay with Bec. Yeah, that joined at the hip thing. We often teased each other, “Okay, who’s turn is it to have the brain?”

Many memorable and amazing things happened that night or can be linked there. Sharing a dance with my Daddy at my 16th birthday, having both of my parents there, so very special.

Though dreams of singing stardom are long gone, the Heartbreak Sweethearts are still best friends after all these years, even adding a fourth to our group. Man is now married to the fella Bec was dating at our 16th, and they have two amazing and brilliant children. Bec is engaged to one of the guys that we shared our night with, one of our male best friends.

Wonderful things do happen on your sixteenth. Sometimes it might take years to see the fruits, but when it does it is magical.

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh..Hangin’ Tough! Thanks for coming with on my trip down memory lane. ~Hope

Daily Post Prompt: Sixteen

If I Were A Zombie

The last several days I have been compiling MP3s to help redirect my thoughts when I get really bad or start going there. I know that I have requested y’all to send me songs too. That request is still open. I asked my friends and family on Facebook also and received a great outpouring of response. I love being introduced to new artists and finding new gems in music. The music I have loaded so far seriously touches every genre imaginable. I even put some songs on there for Little Shanna.  It was almost fun selecting songs with her.

Some of the music brings back wonderful peaceful memories of old country gospel. Listening to it with my parents in their room on 8 tracks.  I have some monster ballads, rap, 80s and 90s pop, classical and contemporary piano and cello, and some indie.  I love music.

As I added songs I thought about what I was trying to accomplish.  There are times I want to just escape into the music and sing the familiar songs.  Other times I will need to be reminded of my worth and that the struggles are worth every minute, and that this is not my final destination.  Sometimes I need to be reminded of my beauty inside and out.  Then there are the times that I need a good laugh.  Little Shanna wanted children’s songs, so I guess she wants to remind me not to forget her and the child in me.

I have felt stronger today.  Want to associate it with the music and learning how to communicate with Little Shanna, and I have decided to keep calling her by her name.  One reason is because it is so important to her, another is because even though “Little” is the child in the case, “Little Hope” has a negative connotation to it, as in not much hope.  I chose Hope as my blogging name as a positive name to emphasize the HOPE I have that I will reclaim my Narnia, and my life.  Beginning to recognize now if that means integrating or accepting Little Shanna, I will be okay, she is anything but little hope.

Part of my good day, I found part of my voice.  My good friend, my Mother’s best friend has dealt with her computer since 2010. Replacing six motherboards and a video card unacceptable.  I called the company for her today and talked to a very nice gentleman, of which I am most grateful for.  I explained the situation and we conferenced in the store and my friend.  As a result when she arrived at the store and talked to the manager they agreed to make it right and she left with a new computer.  I am so grateful for a kind corporate gentleman well versed in his job, extremely personable, and focused on customer satisfaction. All of which are so hard to find in the corporate world today with people overworked and underpaid.  I am so grateful that it was a pleasant experience because it is usually when I get overly stressed, or as Mother says, “Lose Control” that is when Little Shanna takes control.

Since this post is about music I must share a humorous song that I put on my MP3.  I preface this with my husband loves zombie movies, me not so much.  I did watch Warm Bodies with him because it was a zombie chick flick, but generally, not my thing.  I found this song and sent it to him cause well, I just love him. ūüėČ

Enjoy~ Hope

Why I Blog and A Question

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One of the reasons I stopped blogging a few months ago was because I was so caught up in numbers.  Worrying about my stats daily.  Am I being boring?  What are my readers thinking?  Between that and Little Hope angry that I called her Hope, it just became too much.

Today I have thought about what drives me to write.  Mainly to get the thoughts out to calm me.  Others is to connect with others.  I hope my words do reach others, and somehow help them.  Even it is helps them, helps YOU not feel so alone.

Originally I had hoped to make money blogging, but I know my blog is not going to ever make money.  It is not about a money-making topic that brings people in droves.  Maybe down the road when I am farther along in my journey, I will visit that idea again.  Right now I want to focus on quality posts about my life.

This is the life I am living. ¬†This blog is much more than a blog to me, it is my online journal. ¬†I am going to treat it as such. ¬†I hope as I do you do not get bored reading. ¬†Gratefully, some days are boring. ¬†I long for those days. ¬†Days that I can say, “Today I cleaned house and cooked dinner.” ¬†Of course I will go into more details, and talk more about what I am feeling.

I do have a QUESTION. Before my hiatus when I blogged at the bottom in visual mode it offered suggestions on blogs that I could pingback to, blogs that had similar subject matter.  I do not see this anymore.  Is there something that I need to activate to get that back or what?  I do not remember what it is called.  I would love to have that option again.  I think it was a great way to network in our blogging community.  If you know what it is or how I can get it back PLEASE let me know.  Thanks!

I hope you all have a wonderful night! -Hope

Daily Prompt: My Four Legged Hero

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Meet Gidget.  I was just a tiny girl, and she a tiny pup when I she became part of our family. Hitting it off immediately, this little gal became my shadow.

Gidget was my best pal. To be such a small dog she was the absolute best a watch dog and protector. Often going nose to nose with large neighborhood bulldogs and shepherds that would come into our yard. She would send them running as she nipped on their heels with them running tails tucked as they left. I am sure they were getting an earful with her barking in the chase.  Once a Doberman jumped over the neighbors fence and came running after us.  Granny told us to run to the climbing tree.  Granny and Gidget stood ground, giving us time to climb the tree.  I do not remember the dog going home or what.  I just know we did not get eaten, neither did Granny or Gidget.

As fierce as she was protecting her us, she was that much more gentle towards us. I was fascinated with her swollen boobies after she had puppies. So one day I rolled her over and squeezed one of her boobies and looked in awe as milk came out. She just laid there. She would let me do anything to her.  Poor girl.

Gidget was so funny. I think she thought she was a human. ¬†She loved our birthday parties. Whatever we did, she found herself in the middle of it. If we were chewing gum, Gidget was chewing gum. She however, loved to pull and stretch the gum with her paws and make a mess. One party favor that she really enjoyed was the parachute men. They were in cylinder tubes. You blow the tubes and the parachute man comes out and floats down. She had a tube in her mouth and tried to throw her head back, mimicking us. She was never able to get her parachute to fly. ūüôā But it was not from lack of trying.

I remember well the dark feeling that fell over my heart the day Gidget went missing. She had a litter of puppies under the house that needed feeding.  She never stayed away from her babies long, so we knew something was bad wrong for her to stay away.

We looked everywhere, and eventually found her at my neighbors. The night before their someone had broken into their home.  Gidget, we suppose, tried to protect our friends home, and was ran over. My heart was broken.

I miss that sweet girl, a hero of my youth.

Daily Prompt: Heroic

Good Day, Even With Migraine

I am very thankful for good days. I talked to one of my cousins that I was roommates with many years ago. We enjoyed many good times together, and learned so much about ourselves during that time. It was nice to talk to her. Though she is my first cousin, she lives across country and we hardly take the time to talk like we once did. I miss her dearly, but when we talk, it is as if we are still roommates.

Though my head was splitting with a migraine today, I kept the same hope inside from my doctor’s appointment that I will be whole one day. I know that I will not feel this way every day, so days that I can remember this, I cannot express fully how grateful I am.

Tonight I am typing on my hand me down MacBook. I love it. It is so much easier to type up a quick post than on my Ipad. I love my Ipad too, do not get me wrong, love all my Apple products.

The weather was somewhat warmer today. I think it was in the mid-forties. Even at that, it was nice to snuggle up with the Mister tonight and have a silent mind. I was so nervous that she would start yelling and ruin a tender moment that we needed. How I missed my husband’s arms and gentle strength. A side only I know.

This evening we talked about how we seize these moments because we never know when I will be afraid and hold him at arm’s length or farther. I am so grateful for his patience and understanding.

I had no idea it was this late. I suppose I should go to sleep.

Nite all. Sweet dreams.

Sharing A Brain

Last night Little Hope made herself known. Sharing a brain with her, and being trapped when she appears, is terrifying. Last night, I felt sorry for her. She was so scared.

My husband and I were talking about money issues. I became emotional. I could feel her trying to take over. I whispered under my breath, “No. Do not come.” Several times, but it was no use. She had pushed me back, and was now in a room with someone she did not recognize. She was terrified and very scared. Internally I tried to calm her and tell her who my husband was, she continued to push back against me. I was also mentally begging my husband to call my Mother. (Mother and I had talked about next time she came out that Mother would try to reach her and get her to make some of the same promises I have made.) In her fear and hysterics she pushed back at my so hard that I do not remember everything.

It is hard sharing a brain with someone that is a part of you but that you do not recognize and you do not control. Once I swictch back, I was so exhausted.

Though my life is no laughing matter, I do have to say my choice of movies last night did make me chuckle after I realized the plot. The Host I told Tracy that is often how I feel. Hopefully, she and I can become friends like Wanda and Melanie.

Thursdays Make Me Nervous

Ever since my wreck afew weeks ago, Thursdays make me nervous. When I am nervous and anxious I have to work extra hard to not switch, which makes me more nervous and anxious. Today I have an appointment that requires me to travel the road where I had my first flashback. I know many of you are thinking let it go, PTSD is not like that, you cannot. You live and relive, constantly. I am physically hurting and in emotional torment.

This afternoon I meet with my counselor. One of the things that I want to discuss with her is lately my emotions get so intense, but then if I want to express what is in my mind it is like someone takes a curtain and pulls it infront of my thoughts, and there is nothing there but the emotion.

I made my Mother a promise last week that I would not look up my symptoms on the internet, I have kept that promise. I just keep forgetting to ask my counselor about this. It has happened in therapy several times.

Gratefully, I just received the news that the first appointment was cancelled. I am already a nervous mess. I am going to turn on the TV and try to find something that I can get insterested in.

Where’s The Sense

I cancelled my therapy appointment today because of a migraine. While I was cancelling my appointment here in South Georgia, in DC a horrible scene taking place in the Naval Yard. Since then, my eyes have been glued to the screen and my heart has not been far from those involved. My Mother wanting me to take care of myself and get rid of my migraine told me to turn off the TV, but I cannot. I want to make sense of it. I want to be with those that are hurting. I have always been one that gets sucked into any tragedy that happens as if I were there. No, not to make it about me, I just hurt for others.

I do have a friend that works at the Pentagon and I checked in with her. She was fine.

My husband works on a military base. I immediately called him. We imagine our military bases to be the safest places, but anyone with a driver’s license can get on. You might need to go through the day pass line, but you can get on, and unless you are the one that draws the unlucky card, your car is not even searched. I have been through the gates hundreds of times and never had a search.

I know I am a worry wart. I over think things. I wish I could take all those I love and put them in a bubble and keep them safe, forever.

Smile

Smile

A Smile
Can Say…
Hi
Goodbye
I Love You
Nice To Meet You
Have A Great Day
Thank You
I Know You
I Want To Know You
I Am Glad We Met
You Are Important
I See You
I Understand
I’m Sorry
Forgive Me?

Other smiles hide secrets.
I am alone.
I need a friend.
Help me.
I am scared.
I am confused.
I am lost.
I am weary.

What does your smile say?
Are other’s hearing?
Are you listening to others?