I DO NOT LIKE SNAKES!
This monster was waiting for me at my parents today. Can you identify it?
Today I walked around taking pictures. I kept getting closer and closer to my parents backyard. Yesterday in therapy we taked about wisteria, and its beautiful purple blooms. I knew some were in the backyard, the entrance to my Narnia.
I would start that way, and then change my mind and go a different dirrection. Take pictures for a while in that location and venture back to the side yard. Each time, just a step or two closer. My Daddy is inside the house I told myself. The yard has changed completely since “that time.” So have I.
I looked at the camera in my hand, and felt the weight of it. I felt the sweat rolling down my back and on my face. The air is heavy with humidity. The sun is hot on my black plants and not quite as hot on my gray shirt. My nose all snuffy because I am outside and my allergies are giving me a fits. I am very thirsty, because I have been outside a while in the heat. I hear birds chirping, squirrels jumping from tree to tree, cars passing by on the highway, and hear Roscoe and Enos wanting to come walk with me.
Each of my senses are engaged in the now. One more step and another and another and another. I am there. Looking at Narnia. My fist begins to clinch, but I am still in contol. I look for things to take pictures of. The wisteria that Mother photographed the other day is no longer in bloom. I found a couple of other beauties. More than the images on film was the accomplishment of conquering the fear today.
Will it be back tomorrow? Who knows, but today I stood at the gates of my Narnia as a Warrior and Returning Queen.
Daily Prompt: 21st Century Citizen
Do you belong in this day and age? Do you feel comfortable being a citizen of the 21st-century? If you do, explain why — and if you don’t, when in human history would you rather be?
I am a techno geek. My husband is a techno geek. I am always tethered to my Iphone, and I write almost all my blog posts on my Ipad. If you had a computer problem, before I had all my memory issues with medication and anxiety, I could fix almost any problem, and enjoyed doing it. When I feel like I still enjoy tinkering, but I am not confident in my skills like I once was. My husband however can fix any problem that can be fixed, and diagnose those that can’t be.
Our pillow talk at night is over my Ipad and his laptop. He cannot go to sleep without checking Facebook, Pinterest, Email, and watching videos on Youtube. There have been a few times when to be funny, I looked over and notice him on Facebook and logged on and messaged him, “Goodnight honey” or if I was in a particularly romantic mood put a romantic message on his timeline. I cannot count the number of times he has woken me up when he has heard an email come into my phone and asked, “Are you going to check that?”
We love our gadgets. I love the camera Mother is letting me borrow. We love the nice entertainment system we have. If there is a kitchen gadget or gimmick, I want to try it out. He with his Tim the Toolman Taylor grunt, is the same way about tools. Indoor plumbing, thank goodness! A/C, I live in South Georgia, need I say more?
As we both deal with anxiety and depression, collecting things then getting rid of them is not one of our strong suits. We joke that our front porch is Sanford and Sons from things he has collected. We have a shed of stuff, that we both have collected. I have a hard time throwing anything away. Whether it be the thought that it might be valuable one day, it is sentimental, or it is a bill I paid five years ago, if it comes in the house, I need it. I remember when that company one company told me to prove it to them several years ago that I paid it, on a bill that was two years old, and all my notes were on the bill that I had thrown away. Part of me is scared without this “stuff” you will not be able to prove that I existed when I am gone. I need something to say, I was here, I lived.
I am getting off topic though. That is a whole different post.
Do I belong in the 21st Century? Where I was headed before my detour was to state as much as I love my modern conveniences, gadgets, and gizmos. I long for a much simpler time.
A time that families worked together in the fields to bring in the harvest. Raising your own cattle, pigs, and chickens for meat, not worrying about the hormones being put in them. Rivers and streams were pure for bathing, and drinking, and fishing.
Money was not the driving force behind everything, yes, money was needed, but it did not mean living or dying, self-esteem or self loathing, friends or loaner. The credit card had not been invented!
Families would gather around the table in the evening by candle light as Mother or Daddy would read the scriptures and pray. Your immediate family did not need to move far away for schooling or to find work, you were all close in proximity, and in relationships.
The Government was small, not governing every affair of our life. You could protect homes and families without fear of breaking the law.
Maybe people had shorter lifespans back then, but it seems like they were living, really living. Leaving a legacy for us. A legacy I long to be part of.
You know you are having a really bad day when you ask your Mother to leave the room so that you can swear, when you normally do not swear.
The day started of well enough. I went down to my parents place to be there in case I was needed when the Comcast guy came. While I was there someone stole my porch garden. My beautiful bell peppers and my eggplant. They were much more than two plants, they were my therapy. I really hate the evil in this world. I’m tired of getting kicked with I am down and ready to catch a break. If they needed the food, and would have asked I would have gladly shared, but no, they have no respect for personal property or boundaries. This idiot thief apparently is going around stealing plants from people’s yard, not just vegatables. Some they are even digging up. I just want them to know I have gun and I do not know how to use it, but that makes me extra dangerous! Do not make someone who is already dealing with PTSD feel unsafe in her own home! The plants were just a few feet from my door. The thought of someone I do not know coming that close into my personal territory terrifies me. If a negative thought could be thought about anyone, it was thought about the person or persons who stole my plants. I guess I am more angry than I realized because so much anger is bubbling out, and continuing to do so, in the words of Mr. T, “I pity the fool” if I find out who did this!
As if that was not a bad enough day, sending my therapy to the pooper. My Daddy and I were pulling out of our drive way onto the highway, I saw him for the first time. It was worse than I ever imagined. You can never prepare yourself for it. Daddy asked if I wanted to go back home, we were going to pick up a puppy for my Mother, several counties away. I was able to verbalize, “No Daddy, please keep going! Keep going, please”. Then I was gone, fighting “her” for a long time. Cutting the circulation off in my fingers from twisting the straps on purse tightly around them. Trying to feel the pain so that “she” could not take over. I felt her expressions on my face, the pout of her lips. I wanted to call my Mother, but I knew she would want us to come home, but I needed to focus on doing this service for Mother so that I could stay in the now. Daddy keep assuring me that I was okay, that was in the past, reaching and rubbing my arm, calling me “Baby Girl”. I needed that as much as “she” did. Once we were nearly out of our county I sent a text to Mother. I could not call. I was right, she wanted us to come home, and forget the puppy. I said, “No”.
We picked up her baby, who I lovingly call “Piglet”. Not because she is big, quite the contrary, she is a tiny chihuahua. The runt of the litter. I call her Piglet because one of the pictures that I sent Mother she looked like a Piglet because of her coloring and the markings on her nose. Mother put Daddy and I in charge of giving Piglet the once over before buying her. I turned her over, and asked questions several. She received the stamp of approval from both of us, we tried to FaceTime with Mother, but it would not work. Anyway, on the journey back home, Piglet acted hungry and so I was going to let her nibble on my finger. Oh boy. Piglet, who will be 7 weeks tomorrow according to the gentlemen that we purchased her from does not have a tooth in her little Piglet mouth. We wonder if she might be younger than they said she is. Her mom stopped feeding her. Who knows, she is a cute tiny thing, and will have her first vet appointment as soon as Mother can get one. We tried feeding her formula tonight and she would not have any of it. Last I talked to Mother she was going to use a syringe and see if she can get something in her.
Today has been exhausting. I am ready to be asleep safe beside my husband, and pray tomorrow will be better, even though I do have a funeral to go to. Please let it be better!
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.
Well I really believe Heavenly Father created all creatures. I was reading about Noah today, and the great care that Heavenly Father took to save the animals roaming the land and the fowls of the air.
As I promised I went out and took a picture of my eggplant flower. (I know you were waiting beside your computers in great anticipation to see it.) When I stepped outside the door, to my right on a pillar that we are raising Magnolia trees on, one of our friendly porch lizards waited for his daily photo shoot. He posed so well. Very GQ!
I actually teared up when I looked at the images. Whether that was me just being emotional or because I had just read about the care Heavenly Father took to save some of animals I do not know; however, this image touched my heart. Look at the way the light reflects in his eyes. He has his purpose, not to just be my photo subject, but to help keep the mosquito and spider population down. He might be falling down on the at job just a tad, but that is okay. He is doing wonderful at helping me and giving me something to photograph and interact with. He and his friends are tender mercies, some of Heavenly Father’s blessings to me.
The tomboy in me is really coming out as I take pictures, manifested by my nose being only a camera’s length plus three or four inches away from the guys you will see in the next picture. I know I showed you pictures of them the other day, I am just so fascinated with them. They thrill me to no end with their genius in creating their nest and their protecting eyes. This might however be the last photo op I they provide me. They do not seem quite as eager as Mr. Lizard to star on my blog. As I leaned in close, one of their scouts buzzed by my ear. I thank you, Mr. Wasp for the buzz-by warning, and thank you kindly for not stinging me, or sending the rest of the troops after me.
Lastly, as promised, my eggplant bloom. This little booger provided to be more difficult to capture than the wasps or the lizard combined, and an ant bit me in the process! The flowers hang downward facing the ground. I kept trying to focus on the bloom but would focus on the leaves. The picture does not do it justice. It is such a pretty flower. Each velvety lavender petal curls in toward a topaz center. It is simply beautiful. I am so thankful that I have been blessed to helped nurture it and see the bloom, even if the eggplant does not produce fruit, I have been blessed with a harvest.
I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father guided me to take pictures and to grow a few things in the garden to help with my mental health.
The humor behind this cartoon, it looks alot like Jethro and I. The second, the artist put the coversation balloon at Jethro’s mouth and it should have been coming from mine. :). He calls me the finance minister AKA “tight wad”–depending on his mood and how bad he wants something.
I looked and looked for a “bear caught” photo cartoon or clipart. Is that only a Southern phrase? When you get too hot outside just this side of over heating?
It is almost 90 degrees with 80 percent humidity here. Just a tad warm to say the least. Add my, what did the vet receptionist call me the other day? I believe it was “pleasantly plump”, yeah that was it. Lets just say it feels about 200 degrees out there. I stayed outside for a while finally repotting my squash and zucchini, and planting cucumbers and cantaloupe.
Absent minded me kept forgetting something inside, so I had to go up and down the steps several times. I also had to clear a spot on our Sanford and Sons porch for our newest addtions, and rearrange the others, gosh, it does not sound like much, but I was so out of breath and shaking when all was said and done. That bear was on my heels.
I drank nearly a full liter of cool water in one sitting when I came in to rehydrate. Now my tummy is all slushy.
My eggplant blooms pretty lavender flowers now. I am quite excited about that. After I cool off some, and after my Daddy finishes cutting the lawn, I plan to venture back out and take pictures. My insane allergies make it difficult to be outside when the grass is being cut. One of two things might happen–a migraine or an asthma attack. I do not want either today.
Do you have a summer garden? What have you planted this year? What have you planted in past years?
I would love to hear your successes or your learning experiences.