Tag Archives: Blog

Why I Blog…A Gentle Reminder

I started blogging to help others, and myself become stronger.  The last several months, I did not have it in me to carry myself, much less have any bright days to share and lift others.  My internal protector, who now goes by Gidget, not “the mean one”, isn’t mean at all.  She does have a temper.  She can swear like a sailor when she gets angry, but her goal has been to protect me and “squirt” and to make me have a little more fun in life.

What now seems eons ago, but was only weeks ago, she told me angrily, “Not everyone deserves to be forgiven.”  That statement lead to pandora’s box being opened, and discovering and recalling that my “original” abuser, was a pawn and victim himself in his father and step-mother’s sadistic game.  Who knows how long it went on with him, but Little Shanna endured about a year and a half of sexual abuse.  Holding tightly to the secret, the sadness, and the guilt, standing beside her, a valiant protector Gidget.

She is remembering that she did fight now, she let me know, I fought and begged to go home.  There is only so much a 4 and 5 year old child can do.  Especially when you have two adults there, who are holding you.  Holding you in a way that you do not bruise though.  Hugging you.  Adults you once trusted.  Adults you should still be able to trust.  Hearing my dog barking outside because she heard my cries.  Gidget, that is where she got her name from.  My faithful protector back then.

She has introduced herself to most of my family and friends.  I am not really comfortable with that, but I suppose she is making it so that I do not have to worry about it.  Fear of rejection is so high.  She gave my closest friends what for the other day, for absolutely no reason.  Of course I had to apologize profusely after I returned.  She seems to forget my life, our life, is not all that everyone has to deal with.

She and I have become almost like sisters.  Boy howdy can she get mad at me.  If I try to smooth something over when it is clearly not my fault, or heaven forbid I blame her for something that happens, and I do not know if she had anything to do with it or not.  My husband says I need to learn to chose my words more carefully.  I told him, I am not used to someone knowing my intimate thoughts, and responding to them.  This is a new ball game for me.

She has quite the sense of humor.  I hope she does not mind me sharing this.  First off, she is country.  Very country.  Several people have mentioned that she has a serious twang to her voice.  After therapy yesterday, I told my parents that I wanted to try to actually eat out at my favorite place.  Ole Times Country Buffet. I set up ground rules.  My back would be to the wall, and I would be able to see my parents at all times, even at the buffet.  I was getting a little nervous.  Mother said Gidget came out and said, “I ain’t gonna let her eat all this good food by herself.”  Mother laughed as she said some of the things Gidget said and did.  First apparently she ate so fast, afraid I would come out soon.  Mother asked her if I had put any fried squash on the plate.  I had not, only because I did not have room.  Gidget sad SHE does not like that stuff. She joked, “When she comes back she ain’t gonna know where her food went.”  Gidget, must be a messy eater because my napkin was all nasty when I returned, and she was right.  I had Mac’N’Cheese (because” it did not taste like Ms. Edith’s (my grandmother) or hers (Mothers)”, according to Gidget, I agree.), and a piece of dry chicken.  Thing is my mouth was still hungry, though my belly bloated.  I dared her in my mind to come out when I got my deserts.  I got two just in case, I hid them behind butter beans and collards.

If you are new to this life.  My advice is, take it slow, but try to become friends.  I find when I am scared or afraid when they come out, it wipes me out physically.  If I let them come have their peace, and not fight them, I am not nearly as exhausted when I return.  I  do not understand it, but that is how my body and mind works.  My doctor seemed to recognize the exhaustion, so I must not be too crazy.  Yeah, not too crazy, says the woman with two altar personalities.

I am not going to write as often as I did before, but I will check in every once and a while.  A pulse check  to let you know that I am still alive and kicking.

Thank you so much for reading.  Thank you Mental Health Bloggers for the gentle reminder as to why I began blogging.

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

Hope, Gidget, Little Shanna

 

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Why I Blog and A Question

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One of the reasons I stopped blogging a few months ago was because I was so caught up in numbers.  Worrying about my stats daily.  Am I being boring?  What are my readers thinking?  Between that and Little Hope angry that I called her Hope, it just became too much.

Today I have thought about what drives me to write.  Mainly to get the thoughts out to calm me.  Others is to connect with others.  I hope my words do reach others, and somehow help them.  Even it is helps them, helps YOU not feel so alone.

Originally I had hoped to make money blogging, but I know my blog is not going to ever make money.  It is not about a money-making topic that brings people in droves.  Maybe down the road when I am farther along in my journey, I will visit that idea again.  Right now I want to focus on quality posts about my life.

This is the life I am living.  This blog is much more than a blog to me, it is my online journal.  I am going to treat it as such.  I hope as I do you do not get bored reading.  Gratefully, some days are boring.  I long for those days.  Days that I can say, “Today I cleaned house and cooked dinner.”  Of course I will go into more details, and talk more about what I am feeling.

I do have a QUESTION. Before my hiatus when I blogged at the bottom in visual mode it offered suggestions on blogs that I could pingback to, blogs that had similar subject matter.  I do not see this anymore.  Is there something that I need to activate to get that back or what?  I do not remember what it is called.  I would love to have that option again.  I think it was a great way to network in our blogging community.  If you know what it is or how I can get it back PLEASE let me know.  Thanks!

I hope you all have a wonderful night! -Hope

Mutts and More Monday: Ruby From Downunder

The first canine pal and fellow blogger that I would like to feature on Mutts and More Monday is a gorgeous black labrador from Sydney, Australia named Ruby.

Ruby blogs daily about her life and adventures. I have come quite fond of the beauty. Almost wishing she were closer and I could introduce her to my Gage, they would make some amazingly gorgeous and quite mischievous pups.

Ruby has a stomach of steel and much like Mikey on the old Life cereal commerical, will eat anything. She keeps me laughing. Be careful though, I do not recommend reading her blog aloud to your dogs, some of her habits might wear off, though she once told me she was talking to my dogs telepathicly. Hence the reason they were spending so much time on our fresh unfolded laundry.

If you love dogs and want to follow a fun blog, check out Ruby.

You can follow Ruby and her adventures here.

Forgive My Ignorance

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I wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who reads my blog, follows my blog, and likes my posts. I am still relatively new to blogging and just learned that I should thank individuals who like my posts and follow my blog.

Please forgive my ignorance of blogging ettiquette. It truly makes my day when I see that you like a post and I get a new follower.

I am going to go back and send personal thank you to my followers, I am not sure if I can accomplish the grand task of thanking every individual like from the past, but I wanted to let you know that I am very appreciative of your support!

I hope you each are having an amazing Sunday and that your upcoming week is extra awesome!

Facebook Community

I am not sure why I did it because I all but swore away from my “real” Facebook page, but today I started a Facebook community. There are several people I have met through blogging that I enjoying enteracting with, and unless they blog that day and I can comment, there really is not a way to chat. I guess that is the nice thing about blogging, but the sad thing too.

If you want to find “me” on FB I am Hope Noel with Curious George as my profile. I do not really post that much, but the community that I started today is: https://www.facebook.com/ReclaimingMyNarnia. I hope to chat in the community.

I created an alias for myself to use on Facebook for this, you can use your real or an alias, whatever you are comfortable with. Come on over, I would love to have you.

Weekly Writing Challenge: The Best Way To Win A Client

I was undecided about putting this in the trauma category or not, I decided not to, though I was surely traumatized by the event and vowed never to wear a wrap skirt again.

Let me take you back to a time that I was much thinner and much more confident. I was the assistant customer service manager for a national call center and turnkey facility for large computer companies such as Novell, Microsoft, and other fortune 500 companies.

This particular day we had a potential client touring our facility. I was asked to give the presentation for the customer service department, which included introducing our teams, and showing the monthly statistics and explaining them our procedures.

The statistics were displayed on a board across from the fish tank. The fish tank was where those who were actively taking calls were sitting. Those representative that were not actively taking calls had cubicles outside of the tank. I do not recall who the client was now, but I remember it was a critical client for us to get. I had put hours of work into making the presentation look professional. Management was extremely impressed.

As the potential client group came through I was so nervous. They were all young to middle-aged men. I showed them around, explaining the way calls rolled and escalated, insuring that we did not drop any calls. The presentation was going great. We walked to the presentation board so I could show the statistics of dropped calls, customer satisfaction surveys, etc. When I reached up the button on my wrap skirt decided it did not like being buttoned anymore. Down my thick khaki skirt fell. I caught it at my calves. What a day NOT to have a slip on. I jumped behind one of the partitions, buttoned my skirt, put a paper clip over it QUICKLY (so it would not decide to come out again) and continued the presentation in front of all of these men.

We won the contract. I was often teased that it was because I was willing to show some leg. Not long after that I was promoted to account management for one of our largest clients.

Things that make you go hmmmmm.

 

Blank Page, Blank Stare, Blank Mind

Ever had one of those days that you just cannot think? I look at the screen and my mind is blank, there is nothing coming to mind to blog about. I know I am depressed, I cannot put my finger on why, except that we had to shell out alot of money for new tires and we still have that awful shake. The hubby now thinks it is the tie rod ends. That will be another $400 atleast, I just paid $150 on medical bills this morning and more I need to send off.

Crawling under my blanket and hiding does not seem to help. The world keeps turning. I should get dressed and go try to take some pictures, but my mind is so jumbled right now. I want to sleep.

In my dreams I have spent time with those that have passed away. My friend MJ has been in my dreams alot lately, and my Grandmother last night. I am supposed to be keeping a dream journal for therapy, but I am only remembering bits and pieces of the dreams, so I have not written any down. I know that spending time with MJ and Grandmother– I do not want to wake up from those dreams. I wish I could snatch them from the dream and bring them back, no, no I don’t. I do not wish the world that we live in today on them, since they have already passed their test. I will just meet them in my dreams occassionally. Enjoying the familiarity without them being subjected to this world again.

I suppose for someone that did not have anything to say, I am rambling. I guess I will go see if I can capture something in nature with my camera.

Sunshine Award

Sunshine On Shoulders Makes Me Happy! I have always loved the John Denver song. So when I received this award I was happy that I brought sunshine into someone’s life.

THANK YOU FOR BRINGING SUNSHINE INTO MINE FOR GIVING IT TO ME. I AM HONORED!

When I started this blog I started it as therapy, and in hopes of inspiring and helping others on their journey. To be nominated by a fellow blogger for this award that recognizes you for ““who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere” that encourages me to continue what I am doing.

Thank YOU again. http://www.iamwhoiam.wordpress.com

Now it’s my turn to share the joy with ten bloggers that have touched me…scatter the sunshine.

I feel like I have met several kindred spirits since I began blogging a couple of months ago, and others I chose for posts that provided the sunshine I needed to my rainy day to give me the rainbow that I long to see daily. I appreciate you and your blogs!

Now lets see if I can get my links to work.

1. http://www.scarshidden.wordpress.com
2. http://www.gettingridofboredom.wordpress.com
3. http://www.hastywords.wordpress.com
4. http://www.browneyedgirl2010.wordpress.com
5. http://www.ididnthavemyglasseson.wordpress.com
6. http://www.mlmessme.wordpress.com
7. http://www.begreatblog.wordpress.com
8. http://www.livingwithadhddotme.wordpress.com
9. http://www.sheddinglightondarkness.wordpress.com
10. http://www.watersofpeace.wordpress.com

  

My First Blogging Award

A few weeks ago I was nominated for my first blogging award.

The Super Sweet Blogging Award by Getting Rid of Boredom (my link is not working). I replied that I accepted it, but could not figure out for the life of me how to get the image on my page.  Well, I understand now you cannot from an Ipad, or at the very least I could not figure it out.

Today, I was nominated for another award. The Sunshine Award by Iam Who Iam (again my link is not working) .  I have accepted it, but this time I was at my desktop and realized how to get the image on the blog.  Silly me.

I will fulfill the other parts which I need to do after I get back from helping serve dinner to a family who lost their mother to a stroke, but I wanted to thank you again for these awards, and for reading and sharing my blog.

THANK YOU, before my formal THANK YOU!! (When I can have time to figure out why pingbacks and links are not working.)