Tag Archives: Forgiveness

Oh Have Mercy!

Photo Credit: http://www.techtricksworld.com

Funny how the mind picks things to ponder on.  This morning will waiting for Roscoe and Enos to finish their “business” outside, my mind drifted to how we judge people, we being me.

I try really hard to walk the path my Savior, Jesus Christ, asks.  He commands us to be merciful.  Yes we obey he laws of the land and execute righteous judgement in  prosecution of criminals doing so, but within ourselves and while dealing with offenders our charge command is to be merciful.

Why is that?  Does it matter?  Not really.  I think though in addition to the fact that in order to being able to receive the gift of mercy ourselves we must be merciful, there  is another piece to it.  We cannot see inside of an individual like out Savior can.  We have not watched their daily struggles or successes, and seen what brought them to this point

Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables comes to mind.  Jean ValJean, imprisoned for stealing a loaf of bread..  He was not a mean or a cruel thief, he stole because his nephew was starving.  We received a huge prison sentence for this.  When released he could not find work because of his past.  Eventually going to a parish, he steals the silver.  This time however, the priest shows him mercy, and explains to the constables that the silver was a gift, and even goes so far as to give him a candlestick that he missed.  Because of this kindness, not only ValJean’s life was changed, but many others.

I am not saying if someone breaks in to our homes to say, “oh you forgot this.” I am saying that we can be more freely forgiving, more free to offer the hand of fellowship, free to serve those that are least serve-able

I could be completely wrong in this hypothesis, but I feel if people exhibited more charity and mercy, there would not be a need for so much “justice”. Some of those, especially the youth, that are acting out, and fall into the jaws of justice would feel compelled to change because they would see their worth as human beings and as sons and daughters of God.

Such would be my hope.

Thanks for reading.  Have a wonderful Saturday.  ~Hope

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Correcting Misperceptions

Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions. – Unknown

I do not know if I blogged about it or not, but last week I wrote my Kindergarten teacher. Through therapy we have come to realize that many of my feelings of self worth were created as she practiced some very unethical teaching practices with me. As we have discussed it, I have come to terms with the abusive nature of her acts, and that her acts are not my fault.

I still have a hard time accepting or believing any compliment, and I feel like I am going to fail at anything given to me. Though my successes in life may outnumber my failures, my failures are magnified in my eyes and overtake any success I have.

So last week, I took courage and found out where my Kindergarten teacher was. I felt sickened to learn that she still teaching. I weighed the thoughts I had about writing her, the courage won. Initially I just emailed and asked if she taught Kindergarten in the early 80s. She emailed me back within the hour.

She stated that she had taught Kindergarten, and taught me. That year she had 31 students, stating she took off ten years after teaching us. She went on to tell me about her life. She ended her letter with “Good to hear from a former student.”

I felt sick. I was shaking.

How do you start a letter to an abuser? How to you start a letter to a teacher that seemed excited to her from you? It has been 34-5 years, I believe people can change. I also feel responsible for the child in me. I needed to do this. I needed to be her voice.

So I began just like that. Letting her know that I did not know how to start it. Then the rest of the letter I used the sandwhich method good-bad-good. As I write that I remember I did blog about it last week, so I do not need to go into more details about that here.

I still have not heard back from her. After much more thought, I decided to follow my gut. I am never going to be able to let go and move on if I did not let someone at the school know my story. I want her students to be protected. I do not want any other child to deal with the humiliation or the self loathing that she caused me. Children already deal with so much these days. They need to be protected. I emailed her principal and received a very kind and thoughtful response. I have no doubt that she will keep her eyes out.

I hope that by confonting this demon from my past, I will be able to forgive, not only her but myself. I want to erase all of the misperceptions and misconceptions formed so long ago and create a new and healthier way to view myself and the world.

I know have other demons to deal with too, but I must take it one step at a time.