Tag Archives: Frustration

Oh What A Beautiful Morning!

Oh What A Beautiful Morning!

Photo Credits: oscarroadtrip.com

I woke up bright and early. Called my most favorite triple play cable provider, to resolve our issues. I came pretty close to blowing a gasket when I found out that the gateway was not shipped yesterday as I was promised. Yep, burnt this gal’s biscuits.

I asked the status of my discounts. He saw where the discount for the shipping was to be given, but not the service. Oh no, I do not think so. When I was off the phone with him, I had a credit of $32 dollars on my bill, and his name and a confirmation.

Then on to the next representative because Mr. Credit had said that he could only issue the credits, he could not resolve the shipping issue. The clincher was that it was not put in for overnight, but that it would ship in 3-5 days. UNACCEPTABLE! (I do want to say that the representatives I have spoken with are very very nice, and I am trying to keep my cool while demanding what I am paying for. In my demanding I apologize that they are cleaning up the mess of others and getting the brunt of my wrath.)

So, LaQuesha, oh dear LaQuesha, she updated the system so I should get the gateway Monday or Tuesday. She is not sure with all the changes if they are shipping on Saturday. If they do, she has for it to go out, if not it WILL go out on Monday Priority Overnight.

So to calm myself after the events this morning it is a musical morning. I am in a Broadway morning. Yeah, finding all kinds of musicals on YouTube.

Make it a beautiful day! ~Hope

Free Frustration Kit Enclosed

This morning began with my nerves on edge, I am not really sure why, I was just off. Now I realize it was an omen. I decided after I finished a couple of things around the house that I would wander down to my parents.

Let the adventures begin.

We uninstalled their old tv, installed a new, uninstalled the new, and reinstalled the old. Come to find out Vizio HD TV’s do not work well with DirectTV’s standard receiver, and that is a gross understatement. The picture was awful. I do not blame it so much on the Vizio TV as I do DirectTV and Vizio not playing well together. So it was back to their standard def, that looks high def, and then working on installing the ROKU on the TV in another room.

While working on their tv, the hubs called and said that he just left Comcast and they did not have the correct modem for us. Yeah, the one they said they had, and were noting in the system for us. So I called Comcast and let them know just how unhappy I was. This was the hubs second trip to third trip to a Comcast store. I thought I had someone who knew what she was doing, and she stated our correct Gateway would be Priority shipped on their dime plus credits for the time we have been without. I THOUGHT she had it all together, that is until tonight. I’ll go into that in a moment. I don’t know whether to say bless her heart or mine.

When I walked in from my parents house the hubs was hanging up from talking to Comcast. He had actually picked up another SMC (AKA piece of poop), he was activating it. However when he hung up, nothing was activated. Nothing. So he said something like, “Tag you are it.”

I called Comcast. I talked to a really nice young man. I did however, cover up the phone a few times to laugh. He sounded just like the guy from the original Children of the Corn, the one that says, “He wants you too Malachi.” This guy was super nice though, thankfully. He worked with me for a long time trying to activate it, but nothing. I told him my assumption was that it was never set to factory settings, that they just gave us a pooped out one. He agreed. My reasoning came from not being able to use the factory user name and password to get into the gateway user panel. Okay, geek talk.

Our conversation ended with, “I’m sorry you are going to need more technical help than I have.” Sigh. I really did not want to call back.

Now, since I have dealt with these messed up modems for several weeks now, I know how to do a factory reset. I looked it up on my phone to make sure. Low and behold, after I did that, I could get into the gateway AND we could connect. It still buffers because it is a SMC piece of work.

So I am sitting here relieved when what happens? I get an email from Comcast. Yay, my email works. Wait, what does this say??? It states my bill is going up from $72 to $86 month because of my “new modem”. What the heck? I am naughty word angry now. I have done the work for your technical support and you still have given me a piece of poop and charging me extra for it. I. DON’T. THINK. SO.

My husband said if they want to do that then we need to put K-Y all over that modem and tell them where they can put it. I must say, that is tempting. Even more so when I tried calling them to ask about it and they said they were closed for the day. 24/7 Customer Service my big toe.

Have I mentioned that i do not handle stress well? Wow, I think I need to find a Xanax and try to calm down. I am about ready to try the stress reliever below.

Can I just ask who turned my Friday into a Thursday??
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Rough Day

I will work on Try It Thursday tomorrow, this Thursday has been extra trying. I am not ready to talk about the events of the day. I am sure that one day soon I will. I recognize to a “normal” person today would have been a bump, but to me, I scared myself. Really scared myself.

I am worn out. Completely. 7:58 and I am calling it a night, and praying tomorrow will be better.

Please Do Not Make Me Angry, You May Not Like ME When I Am Angry

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So, I started off with my Find the Good Friday Post. I did that for a reason. I am still working on computer issues. Day 4.

Let me tell you one thing, one upon a time, not so long ago, I had the patience of Job when dealing with computers coupled with the tenacity it took to stand up to the challenge. Now, the patience is long gone, stress level and anxiety way up, but the stinking tenacity is still there. Not a good combination! For me or for the ISP that is the root of all evil computer issues this week.

We received a letter from our ISP stating that our cable modem qualified for a free upgrade, this upgrade would allow for faster connection speeds. Great when you watch television and videos like we do over the internet. When I called in to have ours shipped,  I explained how our network was set up through our own router, that we did not need the wireless modem/gateway, just the modem. When it arrived it was wireless.

We tried hooking everything up to it, but no deal. Our printer would not work. URGH! I called back spoke to them and explained again. “Sure no problem, we will send you one that is not wireless. And remember we are open 24/7 as a part of our customer satisfaction guarantee.” Yada yada yada…

During this time we could still print from our desktop. Whew hoo! When the new modem arrives, my husband sets it up. I come home, call, and have it activated. Guess what? The wireless blue light special is shining.  Yep, they had not de-activated the wireless on it. Something with this modem played games with our network. Now the printer no longer works with the desktop. Oh joy!  This is not helping my level of frustration one bit.

I call and talk to several reps who keep trying to send me to Comcast oops, I mean my ISPs Signature Support. Do you know what Signature Support is? It is a fee based support. Fee based support for their equipment. Yeah, you rent this modem from them, the day you receive, if you have problems they want to send you to a fee based support.  Sounds like a way to have “100% Customer Satisfaction Guarantee” to me. I just received it, and they want to charge me to fix their equipment.  I just cannot get over it.  Can we say, ummm, NO!

After several hours and several representatives later, I finally spoke to one that had a brain larger than Amoeba. She was actually smart and was not reading from a script. She listened to me, and did not hear printer, and assume that I was calling in for a printer. She turned off the wireless, everything was working great. UNTIL she transferred me to the rep that was supposed to activate the telephone part of the modem. When she did, whatever she did, killed the modem and my phone. When I say killed, I mean killed. No pulse. None CPR can be done. Stick a fork in them. I bit later, I talked to another CSR, hoping she would correct the problem.  She however,  did not know what she was doing. She answered the phone laughing. She was completely unprofessional, and the call center she was in, the supervisor needed to teach them some professionalism. One of her colleagues was yelling at a customer very rudely in the background.  I made a comment about that  not being professional and that I could hear the customer being yelled at. I ran a call center. I do not care what the customer says, you escalate the call, you do not yell at the customer. She took up for her colleague. “She has been on the phone with this customer for 30 minutes.” I said, “I have been dealing with Comcast since 4:00, she needs to think what the customer might be feeling.” This is about 8 hours of dealing with some sort of Comcast rep. I have no phone, no internet, no printer, no PC (I’ll explain the PC below). AND I AM LIVID!!!! The Hulk as nothing on this south Georgia girl who at this point has forgotten to take her medicine because she is dealing with ignorant people and computer stuff. I just crawl in bed, cry and pretend to sleep. Exhausted. This was Wednesday at 11:45 pm.

Thursday morning at 6:15 a.m., after thinking about a possible solution a good portion of the night, to at the very least give us internet and phone. I crawl out of bed with my back and head killing me. Call the number that I was told the call for support last night, the one I had called all day yesterday. The number said to call back during business hours!!! What the heck? Hmmmm…Customer Service guarantee…24/7…so what are their business hours? Confusing. I tried a number I had saved in my Iphone. (Yeah, did I mention that all of this time on the phone was on my Iphone no, I do not have unlimited minutes. I will talk about this later too.) So, where was I, oh yeah, 6:15 am Thursday. Finally connected to the other competent employee of Comcast the company, I told her my idea of switching back to the other wireless modem, since we did not have connection via the one the other rep blew up. Let’s just activate the other modem, and keep it as a wireless… We will deal with the printer and the desktop. Both my husband and I are computer smart, we’ll figure it out. We can figure things out on a computer, if it is to be figured out. She agreed it might work if they had not turned something off somewhere they should not have been. It did! YAY!! We have internet. Check. I still need to get to another department to connect to the phone.  Oh NO!  I’m worried.

I tried calling. “Please call back during business hours.” URGH!!

I waited a while and called back, she set it up. When she made a test call I heard the same squeal from last night. This is when I realized that when they did whatever they did Wednesday night, they blew up my phone, I do not know what they did. I had made a call on it before the fiasco, now it just squealed. I loved that phone too. It was an old desk phone. Oh well, when I unplugged it, and had her make a test call again using another phone, it worked. YAY! COMCAST This ISP should pay me to troubleshoot their CSR incompetencies AKA screw-ups. We now have internet and phone. Check. Check.

The desktop makes me nervous. When trying to resolve the issues with the printer, I uninstalled and planned on doing a fresh install. Windows was not having any of that. Kept saying that my HP Officejet 8500 a909a was did not have a valid windows logo and that it is missing two dll files. One is hpwwiax5.dll, I did not write down the other. Okay, we have had this printer installed, and this printer printing until this disaster began. I know oftentimes things like the windows logo blurb can be caused by a Windows Security Update. I uninstalled the ones since January. This is when the computer decided that it would forget everything. Video, Audio, Chipset…If I did not have grays or heartburn before, not to mention anxiety and stress, before, I did now. I could not find our installation CD. No restore point has been set. Finally after a few tears, prayers, and yelling, I found a CD with my husband’s handwriting. “HP A6600 F XP Drivers” Off I went installing the drivers. Computer 0 Hope 1…Now we have Internet, Phone, and Desktop back. Check. Check. Check.

I am re installing the windows updates also. My hope is after this install, I will be able to install the printer. Crossing my fingers.

So what of COMCAST? I called about the two days I was without service and had to use my cell phone to deal with them, being on hold for probably two – three hours of it. Being sent to Signature Support multiple times for their equipment. What did they do? Gave me $5 credit for the days without service. A manager is supposed to call me back in an hour. We’ll see if the do. What will Comcast get from me? An angry customer that blogs about it, and then as soon as her contract is up will leave them. Told the last person I talked to exactly that.

Also, the second competent rep I spoke to let me in on a little secret. These new upgrades with Wireless. Comcast does not support Wireless, even though it is their equipment they will send you to Signature Support. So basically it is a money-making gimmick for Comcast. Just consider yourself warned.

FINALLY, after researching and pulling my hair out, and yelling more. Trial and error, trial and error, error and trial…SUCCESS!!!  I will be writing on the HP support board how to install around the nasty “Logo Testing Error” and how to correct the hpww1ax5.dll error, funny after correcting those two errors, the other error went away.  If anyone has those errors, please ask and I will let you know.   No one on the boards knew how to help me, no, not the “HP experts.”  I do not want to completely bore the readers with technical information that means absolutely nothing to them.  So here is the final score Internet, Phone, Desktop, and Printer BIG GOOSE EGG, Hope, you did it!!  (My husband knows exactly what this means to me, as I collapsed in tears last night feeling like a complete failure because the Printer defeated me.  It feels so good to have something go right and to recognize something going right.  It has been so long.)

Disclaimer: I said there are only two competent people who work there. I have only spoken to two. There maybe others they have in reserve.  I will add also though, it was 4 hours ago that I was promised a phone call in an hour, and well, CRICKETS!

Haircut Take 2

So after my no haircut today that sent me to tears, I actually talked to my therapist about it. Everyone, including her said, “It does not look like she cut your hair.”

Thought about it. I had done this to feel good about myself, and I felt worse. After a very emotional therapy session, but a good therapy session. I was smiling when I left, I felt like I could speak up for myself.

I went back to the JCP and the stylist that originally did the no haircut haircut, was not in. I explained my plight. The stylist looked at my hair and could not believe it. She immediately put me in a chair and fixed the mess.

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BEFORE

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AFTER 2nd CUT

A Few Hours in Paradise

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We took the car to Sears to get tires. A “quick trip” that was supposed to be 1.5 – 2 hours, left us ended stranded for 4.5 hours the Bulldog in me growled and showing my teeth. We ended up with $40 off and a free oil change. We did meet some really nice people in the waiting area, and the customer service young lady was super nice. She saved the sale for Sears, not only because she gave us a discount, but she really was very nice and caring.

My favorite part of the day by far was going to the beach. The area we go to is so peaceful and serene. The ebs and flows of the waves soothed me. I loved taking pictures of birds, the water, and people. My husband and I talked about making it a standing date night to take a lunch to the beach once a month and sit and relax. We have not taken our chairs the last two times. The next times we will ne sure to do that.

I tell you the truth there is something to be said for running your toes through the slightly warm soft sand of the beach. The area we go to it is not packed down. I just love it. We talked to a local and the last time we came we noticed there was a creek that separated the mainland from an insland. it is only a few feet across. He told us tonight there is a deep drop off and ther are oyster beds there, and they will cut you up really bad if you did not know they were there during high tide and stepped off and were hammered by the waves into the shelf.

We watched this one young man casting his net. His Mom said that earlier he had caught a couple of fish and a few crabs. I wish we would have seen it. He was diligent. He kept casting away. i think it is great he is learning such an awesome skill.

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I have never seen so many pelicans in my life. There was a sandbar way offshore and I suppose they were bathing and eating on it. Every so often several of them would fly our direction.

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One the way home from a nearly perfect evening at the beach, we hear that familiar, shake rattle and roll coming from the left side of the car. We have our new tires, so we do not know what it is. My husband is going to call the dealership Monday. His Grandpa was a Chevy man, and because of that Jethro has been a faithful Chevy man too. This HHR and the last two Chevy delearships we have dealt with have broke him from that. Now he is build Ford tough. ;). Guess that is the whole marriage conversion, if I remember correctly, my Grandaddy was a Ford man. 🙂
Since I have started taking pictures critters have been one of my favorite subjects, and the closer I can get to them the better. I love macrophotography. Here’s a couple of pictures of a mammoth frog.

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Oh my goodness, I almost forgot one of the BEST parts of today. While we were at the mall waiting for our car there was this gentleman singing, his name is Kris Pierce. He has an amazing voice. He sang “To Make You Feel My Love” for Jethro and I, at my request. (Click his name to check out his music.)

Even though we had the Sears craziness, today was a good day. I had my love with me. We laughed and even shed a couple of tears. I call it a very blessed day. Days like this are exactly what my therapist told me to make happen.

I Once Loved Roller Coasters

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This morning is some better. I am still very anxious and depressed, but not teetering. I realize how many kind and good people read my blog, and they are going through a lot right now too. “Our community” helps one another when we are down. Kind words of encouragement, the reminder of the beautiful things in life and in me, virtual hugs, and a simple “like” they let me know someone is listening and cares.

I have my amazing family. I know the are weary. It is hard having someone you love with severe emotional problems. I could charter a club, I have been on the other side. Living daily, not knowing what to say or do, fear of triggering them. Fear of the backlash. Not knowing if the will be there in the morning physically or emotionally. Holding your tongue and swallowing your emotions, sacrificing your own mental health while they work on theirs. Crying more than laughing. I hate that I put anyone through this roller coaster.

Wide Awake Megaphone of Negativity in My Mind

Insomnia

 

The thoughts are so loud.
Each nerve in my body
a pinnacle of aniexty,
ready to catch the next thought,
and amplify it,
and make me hurt all over.
Piercing, agonizing pain.

Nowhere to escape.
Nowhere to run.
You cannot run from your thoughts.
Others have tried to drown them
Or cut them
Or smoke them
Or…
Or…
Or…
All ways to try to feel something else,
or not feel at all.

I did not do any of those, ever.
Self respect, faith, pride, fear,
Whatever the reason I didn’t.
Sometimes, I envy those
With those outlets.
An emotional checkout would be
Amazing.
But at what cost.

I laid here tonight wondering,
How much Xanax would it take to
Give me a vacation, but not kill me?
Irrational I know, so I took one.
Hopefully soon the nerves will relax,
and I can sleep.
As fitful as it is, I need sleep.

My husband says each night
I fight unseen demons in my sleep.
Very fitful, very restless.
No wonder I stay exhausted.
A warrior cannot fight all night and all day,
and still function 100%.
I need something.

Whether I wave the flag of surrender,
or collapse in defeat.
I do not see the fight in me anymore.
Hopefully the Xanax kicks in soon,
And I can sleep.

I pray that when the sun rises on the new day,
I will have renewed strength and fortitude to meet the day.
Until then, I still breathe
and that means I am winning.

I’m Trying So Hard, But Failing Miserably

So I had this incredibly funny post this morning, after talking to the the disability board.  I have tried to stay positive today, THEN I read the letter.  I am so upset, and feel like my emotions are out of control.  Starting at step one.  

The letter said, “You may be depressed at times…”  Depressed at times.  What does that feel like?  I would love to be depressed “at times”!!  No, I do not have the privilege of being depressed at times.  It is a daily battle for me.  What was my first instinct when I read that?  Go grab my medicines and take them, all of them!!  Depressed at times!!  

I am so tired of living through all of this crap, having to fight for a moment of peace and solace.  Trying to find things that make me happy.  Trying to remember where I have been and when I have been there.  I am so sick of it.  There has to be an end to this.  

I am so so sorry for laying this out there, but I promised when I started this blog, I would share the good and the bad.  This is a really bad day for me.  I get knocked down so easily, and kicked and kicked and kicked.

Maybe my problem is because I fight suicide so hard.  I fight it with all my might.  I see it as something that hurts those I love, maybe that was wrong to tell the mental health professionals.  Does that make me not want to do it, not even?  Each time I get closer to that fine line that separates sanity and insanity, in those horrible moments that I have to fight.  I sometimes wonder if they would not be better off without me here, their pain would hurt, but they would not have to deal with me day in and day out.  I hate being crazy.

That’s okay, “I am only depressed at times.” No problem.  It is not killing my family every time I call and tell them that I have those feelings.  It does not kill them every time they see “her” come out, because it is only “at times”.  

Depression was not the only thing on the claim either: migraines, diabetes, high blood pressure, constant anemia, and asthma.  That is okay, the government caters to who they want to cater to.  They want to kill the rest of us off.  I suppose I am on that kill off list.

I am sorry for getting political, but I am extremely upset right now.  My lawyer is appealing the case.  Most cases are denied the first time, but those words hurt me so bad.  Until then, I will continue with my therapy, stay in my ball, and hope that I can make it through one moment at a time, cause one moment seems like a very long time.

 

 

He Is Always Near Me

Much improved from yesterday, today ended up being a fairly decent day. Only one semi-meltdown when someone innocently though ignorantly made an insentive comment without knowing the full story. I felt horrible for crying because they honestly did not intend to hurt me with their words, the tears were just triggered. I looked at my Daddy and he helped me get my emotions in check.

I believe my therapist is correct in that my medication must not be at the right levels. I went from talking fine to crying in a couple of seconds. My appointment with my new psychiatrist is about a month away, though I am on a call list for cancellations.

Tonight I thought about a song we are teaching the children at Church. If The Savior Stood Beside Me

As I listened to the song I wondered about my emotions that go crazy in an instant. I want to remember thst the Savior is beside me at all times. Especially times like yesterday when I was so so angry about my plants, I am still upset, but I contemplated the unhealthy level of anger and frustration I had yesterday as listened to this song.

I am so sleepy right now I do not know if I am making alot of sense. Either way, I hope this song has the same impact on you as it did on me today.