Tag Archives: Husband

New Year, New Look

Decided to change-up the look of my blog. I do not know if I will keep it this way or not. I really like the look of the owl, and I read to see what the owl symbolizes. It is wisdom. I should have known that.

I sang the little ditty as a child. “A wise old owl sat on an oak. The more he heard the less he spoke, the less he spoke the more he heard. Why aren’t we all like that old bird.” We would sing it over and over again in rounds.

Wisdom. What is wisdom? Wisdom is something you can only gain through experience. No one can give it to you as a gift wrapped in a pretty bow. You cannot read it in a book or on a blog, and magically bestow it through osmosis. No, wisdom comes through your own application of knowledge to your experiences. This journey is my journey to a completely new wisdom. I am learning more about myself that I ever knew existed and parts that I did not know I hid. I will learn how to work together with myself to create a powerful them so that we can do as the image of the owl states “Shine On.”

I have been counseled for years to gain knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge has always come very easy to me. Almost too easy. I suppose you could call me a nerd. Wisdom, not so much. I have to learn life’s lessons time and time again, before the wisdom sticks. This time, however long it takes, however many lessons are involved, I will gain the wisdom I need.  Can’t go around it, can’t go over it, can’t go under it, must go through it.
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So for me funny moment happened today, at my husband’s expense. He teases me constantly about my memory, as I addressed a couple of days ago. Today however, he called me on the way home from work and told me that he was at CVS picking up his medications. I was super confused and asked him, “Didn’t you pick those up yesterday?” That’s when he started laughing. He said he started thinking about the coupons he had to use at CVS and said he would go today since he had to pick up his medications anyway. The pharmacist tech looked and looked, and probably thought they had lost another of our prescriptions. (I called and reported them to corporate a few weeks ago for losing prescriptions.) This time it was not them, it was my adorable husband and his perfect memory. Thankful for those moments!

Good Day, Even With Migraine

I am very thankful for good days. I talked to one of my cousins that I was roommates with many years ago. We enjoyed many good times together, and learned so much about ourselves during that time. It was nice to talk to her. Though she is my first cousin, she lives across country and we hardly take the time to talk like we once did. I miss her dearly, but when we talk, it is as if we are still roommates.

Though my head was splitting with a migraine today, I kept the same hope inside from my doctor’s appointment that I will be whole one day. I know that I will not feel this way every day, so days that I can remember this, I cannot express fully how grateful I am.

Tonight I am typing on my hand me down MacBook. I love it. It is so much easier to type up a quick post than on my Ipad. I love my Ipad too, do not get me wrong, love all my Apple products.

The weather was somewhat warmer today. I think it was in the mid-forties. Even at that, it was nice to snuggle up with the Mister tonight and have a silent mind. I was so nervous that she would start yelling and ruin a tender moment that we needed. How I missed my husband’s arms and gentle strength. A side only I know.

This evening we talked about how we seize these moments because we never know when I will be afraid and hold him at arm’s length or farther. I am so grateful for his patience and understanding.

I had no idea it was this late. I suppose I should go to sleep.

Nite all. Sweet dreams.

Muscle Cars and Mashed Potatoes

Last night went great. Both my husband and I admittedly nervously anticipated seeing his pal, like any reunion, but after the first practical joke the ice was broke.

We asked the front desk clerk, a super nice lady, to call him and tell him someone was messing with his car. He bound out of his room like Clark Kent changes into Superman, though he did not take time to tie his shoes.

We sat at Ole Times until they kicked us out, literally. Several times before we actually went and made a trip to the buffet the waitress staff checked our ticket to make sure we had ordered buffet because we had sat for so long just drinking our sodas and talking.

Or in my case, listening. I heard more about cars and muscle cars last night than any woman needs to know. Yes, I do live in the South, and yes, I like Nascar, but not because I know what is under the hoods. I will leave that to my very brilliant and and capable husband. Thankfully the coversation was laced last night with humor, and other times I just tried to follow. Humoring them with a “wow” and “really” and “uh-uh” as their body cues and voices prompted me.

Let me see if I can get this right for muscle car lovers out there. He has a blacked out, Mustang 500GT Shelby Cobra with many customizations. I heard alot of blahblahblahblahblah last night. but they were happy, and that was what was important. The hubs needs his buddy. He has had one other friend and his wife visit since we were married. His daughters when we could get them to come, that was only the first couple of years, and that is it. He says that the blood running through his veins is now Southern purged of I suppose.

The phone, roads, and planes go both ways. I am glad that this buddy made the effort to connect with him and see him, it means so much to both of us. I will put up with muscle car talk for that.

Not Too Difficult To Negotiate With A Tired Husband, or When You Mention Bread

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My husband is exhausted.  He has been working extra hard at his job as a government contractor with a project going on there, and then working a side job for two or three hours every night.  When I mentioned my idea he as pretty happy.  

Honestly I think he turned everything off when I said I would cook bread tomorrow for ham sandwiches and a picnic Saturday as we go to the Island.  Give that man my bread, and he is in heaven.   It is an Amish recipe that I learned with I worked at a Mennonite bakery here in town when I first graduated high school.  

He is going to talk to his pal and see what he thinks.  Looks like they will explore Savannah tomorrow while my hubs is at work.  Then my suggestion is that they head down to Brunswick to find a cheaper room for Friday night.  We can then head down Saturday Morning and spend some time with them, before they road trip it out.

This couple is living the life of Riley right now.  They sold their house, other vehicles, both quit their jobs, and now are exploring the country.  They do not have children at home.  They are in their early 40’s.  Living their dreams now.  Both lost their parents relatively young, and I suppose that could be part of this.  Doing it now, while they can, and enjoy it. They also wanted to live off the grid for a while.  Funny.  I admire them, and think they are absolutely nutters in the same breath.  

I have too much, I do not know…aside from BILLS, I have too much…hmmm, connection to home to and I do not know the word I am looking for to do it.  Not to mention I am a wimp too.  I have seen how the hubs drives when he is tired.  No, but seriously, being that far away from everything and everyone that I hold dear, except my hubs, our car, and a few clothes.  I cannot image it.  We would need a train.  One car for us and our dogs, one for my parents, one for my sister, and one for my other sister and her family.  I do not say my brother because I do not think he would ever come, and he can fend for himself.  I can’t imagine life without him, but he would get to us if we needed him.  My sisters, though they live several cities away from me now, if I were going to travel, really travel, I would need them close.  My family grounds me.  

Changing gears for a moment, through all of this PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety my family has been constant.  Though my mind plays games that they would go away, the reality is they will never leave me, nor I them.  We are like those train cars.  So, I suppose somewhere on the tracks, my little brother is going to meet up with us occasionally like he does really, check in let us know in his own special way how much he really does love and care for us, then boogey on along.  The railway connects us.  We are an eternal family.  I am so blessed.  I love my family so much, I cannot express that enough.  Sometimes it is hard to express through the other emotions, and I come off as selfish.  I really do not mean to, I am fighting so hard to come back.  I hope you see me.  I am coming.  

Okay, I just read the title of this post.  Did I mention something I also tend to do is ramble when I am exhausted.  Free flow writing I suppose.  You get to see who I REALLY am.  From talking about the friends in the area to my family the train.  I have not completely lost it, I promise.

Life is interesting.  This last week I have felt things are starting to seem clearer.  I cannot explain it.  Imagine going to river and dipping up water in a glass and scrapping the bottom as you do.  When you bring it up, all you can see it the mud, muck, grass, leaves, debris, and whatever floating around.  While you are working through things you are never holding the glass completely still, so it is staying stirred up.  Some items you can remove like a floating piece of grass, those are easier, but they still require you to work to remove them so they do not catch your eye every time you look at your glass.  Other items, are much more difficult to work on, they are obscured by the other items in their way, your hand cannot quite reach it, you are afraid you will break your glass, whatever the reason.  They are just harder.  You have to work harder.  This is your glass, no one else’s.  You have to take your time.  Others may not even see the things that you can see in the glass, often times they do not because you do not want them to, you protect it, or sometimes they do not want to.  Either way that is okay.  It is your glass.  This is your time to clean it.  For me, as I have taken some of the larger stone that were at the bottom of the glass out this week, examined them and continue to work with them outside my glass, I realize that I am not disturbing the water in my glass as much.  Some of those small minute particles that were making the water so unclear, is settling and I can see much clearer.  I still have a long way to go before the water is pure, but to be able to see through something that was so murky just a week ago, makes me so grateful, so very, very grateful.

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Silly Saturday: Don’t Send A Man To The Grocery Store

The first time I heard this I laughed until I could not breathe. I listened to it many other times.

My husband has often grocery shopped and came home purposefully with extra item or more of what I had on my list, but this was a calculated effort on his part. I am grateful for his willingness to shop when I am having a bad day.

Now this video used to be funny, until one day after my hysterectomy I sent him to Harris Teeter with my list. I admit my list made complete sense to me in its Excel format. I had the item, the cost, the quantity, coupon to use, and the extended price. With Harris Teeter you do are only allowed to Double or Super Double or Triple 20 coupons a day. So I had a “team” assembled, a first string and a second string. If you could not get an item on the first string pick work your way down the second string. Simple right? I guess my Aspergers Husband saw here’s my list buy the items on the list and when I explain he heard, “blablablabla buy on that list blablablabla give coupons in the order blablablabla.”

He came back with so many groceries, it was hilarious.

Now my side hurts with laughter, I cannot breath, and can somewhat relate with this story. It is no more just funny it is down right HILARIOUS!

Tell All Tuesday: I Don’t Want To Cross That…

You have always heard we’ll cross that river when we come too it, well, I really did not want to cross it.

When the husband and I were first married he had to fly back to Oregon to finish up a few weeks of work and the move out of his apartment. I flew out there for a several days to meet his family and help pack up the U-Haul so he could be on his way HOME.

Waiting for me at the PDX with my new husband were the two cutest little girls. I had talked to them many hours on the phone and fell in love with them. They were the daughters of my heart. I was shocked how much Jenni, the oldest, looked like my middle sister. Kathy, immediately took my hand. They were cute and very sweet. My family. There were a couple of my husband’s friends there also.

I was a nerd with my step-daughters right from the start. We went to a Chinese restaurant that evening. I was so nervous still about being around my new family. Exhausted and nervous, not the best combination. Completely stuffed, but plenty of food left over, we asked for a to go box. The waiter brings a box and a bag. This is where I show my hick colors. The box was a Chinese box, I thought the bag went in the box, not visa versa, so I proceed to scrape the food in the bag. The looks the girls gave me, trying to stifle their laughter. When I felt all eyes on me I looked up at my husband and he asked what I was doing, I looked at him confused. I explained that I thought the food went in the bag and the bag in the box. The girls could not hold in their laughter then, that is when I looked up and noticed several of the wait staff looking at me funny too. I finished putting the food in the bag, and dropped int it the box. “See, it will not leak.” I am surely a country mouse, visiting the city.

A few weeks before when we were in Helen on our honeymoon we saw a spruce tree, if I remember it said something about being the largest one in Georgia. It was HUGE, I was shocked. The husband laughed, and said that it was hardly a twig. On my Oregon adventure, I understood what he meant. I imagined Jack and the Bean Stalk as I looked at these trees reaching into the heavens. We dedicated a day to going up to Seaside, and on the way we stopped that the historic World’s Largest Sitka Spruce on the Klootchy Creek. We would spend the day doing the tourist thing, and the evening I would meet the in-laws at our informal reception.

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I was amazed at its size. There were six of us, and we linked our hands and did not even reach halfway around it. It was massive. How massive was it? Well, it stood 216 feet tall, measured 56 feet in circumference and had a crown that spread 93 feet. Yes, MASSIVE!

After we hefted my jaw off of the soggy Oregon ground from beholding such a sight, we when exploring the surrounding forest and walked down to the creek. I thought Georgia red clay was slick, it has nothing on green slimy wet Oregon forest moss. I was filming everything with a video camera that had been my Uncles that died the year before.

The husband in his exploring takes us to a tree that crosses a small brook off of the creek. The girls had on flip-flops, my shoes did not have grips, they might as well been ice skates. I told him I was not comfortable with crossing the green moss-covered log. I knew I would fall, and ruin my Uncle’s camera. As persistent as I was not to, he was persistent that we would. He said to hand him the camera. I still did not want to. He kept begging and then made the sounds of a chicken. Not exactly what you want your new husband to do, and you do not want your step-daughters to think you are holding them back, nor the friends we were with. I finally, against my better judgement and succumbed to peer and spousal pressure. As I stretched to hand him the camera, my left foot slipped on the green goo sliding under the log, the rest of my body fell straight back. I felt a snap and awful pain.

Now I am covered in goo, in pain, embarrassed, mad that he didn’t listen, worried about having to hike back out of the forest. He helped me up and back to the car. We headed up the road towards Seaside. I could feel my foot swelling. Oh it hurt so bad, I tried not to focus on it. I did not want anyone to know how badly I was hurt. Pride. Isn’t that supposed to proceed before the fall, NOT after.

I wanted everyone else to go crawl around in a pig sty too so we would match. I was ashamed to get out anywhere, even to eat, but I did. We stopped to eat at the yummy fast food Mexican restaurant Taco Time. Crispy Chicken Burritos…And stuffed Tator Tots. I’ll trade you Taco Bell for Taco Time.

I was trying hard not to limp at this point, but my foot was insanely painful. Gratefully when we arrived at the beach a couple of things happened. You can drive on the beach there, so not too far to walk, and the water is ice-cold. It helped with the swelling. Every time I jumped the waves I felt my foot pop and grind, but I was bonding with the girls. That was important to me.

Leaving the beach was amusing to put it mildly. I said we could drive on the beach, apparently you are not supposed to do donuts on the beach, especially when you are doing them in sync with your friend in the car behind you like you are dancing. The blue light that comes is not a disco strobe light. The police only pulls the last car over, and luckily we were not the last car, and we were really close to the entrance to the beach. I do not recommend beach dancing in a car, unless you have $758 burning a hole in your pocket.

Out of the water my foot decided it wanted to blow up, a shoe could no longer contain my secret. When he saw my foot for the first time he was shocked and not happy that I had hidden it from him. He wanted to find the nearest ER. I refused to go because we had our reception at his parents. We only had time to get home, take showers, and head over. My step-daughters, particularly the youngest stayed right by my side. It was so endearing.

By the time we arrived at the reception I no longer had an ankle, and displaying colorful shades of purple, red, and blue. Not quite how I expected my first meeting of my in-laws to be. Laying on my Mother-in-laws couch with my foot propped up with a bag of ice on it.

We went straight to the ER after the reception. Yes, it was broken. Once back in Georgia I was supposed to follow-up with an Orthopedic, I didn’t. So every month or so for six years my foot would re-break. I finally had surgery in 2011 to repair it. They removed bone. Even now the tendon hurts from the damage, but oh well, something to live with.

What is the moral of the story? I do not think there is one. P.S. It is quite a sad PS the Spruce Tree, known as Klootchy Creek Giant, succumbed to the December 2007 windstorm. That is why I kept referring to it in the past tense.

God Does Have A Sense of Humor!

Once again I am trying to sleep and I am awakened by my sweet Daisy Mae’s alarm. I feed and water Daisy and Gage. i let them out separately today, did not want to go on a while goose chase. go ahead and let Roscoe and Enos out too, so I can go back to sleep.

I settle back in bed and doze back off and my husand’s CPAP mask starts squeeling like a frightened baby pig! I reach over and try to adjust it, he moves enough that it adjusts on its own. My eyes to close sleep, my mind rests in sleep and I begin to dream. My Daisy alarm goes off…AGAIN!

I let her out AGAIN. She is the only one that needs to go out. I coxy back down in bed, put my CPAP mask on. Close my eyes. Then there is that durn piglet squeeling again, much louder. i cannot adjust his mask or get him to move.

I realize my sleep is over for the night. I take my own mask off. I am so aggrivated and tense that I put on my headphones and turn on the Mormon Channel to listen to some relaxing music.

What song is playing? Love At Home

The super funny part showing that Heavenly Father indeed has a sense of humor.

I tuned in as this line began…

There is joy in every sound,
When there’s love at home

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I am still sleepy, but the lyric turned my sour mood into a laugh.

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Monday Morning Crazies…Wait It’s Friday!

My alarm went off late this morning. I did not mind that one single bit. I do not have anywhere to be, since my alarm is a 76 lb yellow labrador barking that she is ready to pee and ready for breakfast. For the longest time she had gotten into habit into waking up at 4:30, but I broke her of it, recently it started back. I am so glad that today she let me sleep in until 5:55.

We really named Daisy Mae and Gage wrong.

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They should have been named after these two people instead.

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That’s Bonnie and Clyde. See he has black hair, she has blonde. They were quite the furtive pair.

Our morning routine Bonnie Daisy wakes me up, I then let her and Clyde Gage out in the fenced in back yard to do their business, while I quickly do mine and get their breakfest ready. It takes all of 5-7 minutes. On a normal morning, they would be eagerly waiting at the door to come in. Not today. They were no were to be found in the backyard.

I ran to the bedroom and told Jethro that our fugitives had once again escaped. I took off on foot, going through the neighborhood yelling their names. Looking in the wet ground for Gage’s mamoth paw prints. Listening for dogs barking. The only ones I heard were these tiny furry little things yapping. I love small dogs, I grew up with small dogs, my family has small dogs, but I sure wished they would’ve hushed this morning. So I could listen for my two.

Jethro quickly came in the car. He went the opposite direction. Driving the streets, up and down. Neither of us took time to grab our glasses. I yelled for Daisy and Gage, and walked the streets, yelled and walked, walked and yelled. Listening for any sign. My feet, back, and throat ached. I was almost in tears. Wondering if yesterday was the last time I snuggled with them.

I prayed, please bring them to me. I did not know where to look. Honestly at this point I did not know if I was going to make it home myself without calling someone. My breathing was pretty bad. Please Heavenly Father, you know where they are.

Just then from behind me I heard eigh feet pounding on the wet dirt road rushing me. i turned around. I do not know who was smiling bigger. Them or me. They had obviously gotten lost in their roaming. Daisy did not want to leave my side. She looked at me at one point exhausted as if to say, “Mom, can you pick me up?” If my back were not killing me, and I was still fighting to keep Gage close by I would have tried. We kept stopping to catch our breath on the way home.

When finally inside the house, she collapsed on the bathroom floor exhausted. Both are sleeping soundly in their kennels now, safe. I have said many prayers of gratitude.

I have chased those prayers with Ibuprofen for my back, my feet up from the blisters, I am breathing fine now, and I might end up hoarse from calling their names, but it made me think. I believe faith is a principle of action. I could not just pray for them to come home, I needed to do my part to make it happen, when I did my part, He showed them the way to find me.

I love stories with happy endings.

I Was Beginning To Think I Was Going To End Up In Oz

I do know if I should start off by singing Somewhere Over the Rainbowor wait until the next batch of storms pass. I love a good thunderstorm, but when the wind comes with it I get a little nervous. These storms have some pretty hefty gusts in them.

I looked out my front window thinking, I should probably move my eggplant to safer turf. It is might close to the edge of the porch. Just then a gust took it over the edge. After a few really big claps of thunder and lightening, I ran out and rescued the him. It took me less than 5 seconds, but I am drenched to the bone.

My husband eggs the dogs fear on. Each time it rumbles he asks, “What is that”? They nervously pounce on me. My poor stomache is sore from the other night. I am pretty sure their pouncing is not what the doctor ordered less than a year after hernia surgery. Oh, well I am the Mama. their protector.

Therapy went well today. I really like my therapist. She makes sense, and I do not feel like a guinea pig. She gives me things to think about without making me relive my abuse. Next week we are going to work on relaxation.

Relaxation and peace and rainbows…they all bring to mind Connie Talbots version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.