Behind my parents home are the best woods. Growing up in southern Georgia, I was always outside with my siblings and the neighborhood children. We had the most entertaining times.. It was as you see on the tv shows from the 70s, as soon as the sun came up we were outside, after dark we were being called home. We loved life in our little neighborhood.
Whether we were climbing the mimosa tree, tenderly nicknamed “the climbing tree”, raking up straw to create our imaginary homes and neighborhoods, walking around to “feed the aligators” in the mud puddles after a rain. No gators were in the puddles, we just had a great time playing together. I remember one fall all of us chasing a woodrat through the brush. Oh the adventures we enjoyed. I am sure some of the animals around did not have near as much fun as we did. One poor turtle or gofer ended up with a blue shell, years later we saw him again someone else has tagged him with red paint too. I often through the years called the woods My Narnia. They were just magical. If you could imagine it, it could happen there.
Just as in C.S. Lewis’ novel, evil entered my beloved Narnia. It was not a great White Witch as in the novels, but instead the perverted mind of one of my playmates. He sexually abused me when I was 5 or 6. During and right after the abuse I blocked it from my mind completely. I had no memory of this experience until I was 39 and in therapy for severe depression and anxiety. I began having flashbacks to the abuse.
I refuse to let the darkness stay in my Narnia, my Narnia then or my Narnia now. I am currently in counselling for PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I have always wanted to do a blog and thought that I would do one on couponing, never on this, but if my experience helps one person then that will be my legency and part of claiming my Narnia and help them claim theirs!
***I will not be using my name or the name of any of my family and friends. If you comment please call my husand “Jethro”. He chose his own name, and call me “Hope”.
Contact: reclaimingmynarnia@gmail.com
Reclaiming My Narnia 
Hope, the writer in you has resurfaced. This was spoken beautifully. I hope it helps you heal.
Thank you Lighthouse. Day by Day…
Thanks for stopping by counselorssoapbox.com,for the like and the follow. Best wishes on your blog and your healing.
Thank you so much.
Hi, I’ve nominated you for the super sweet blogging award at http://gettingridofboredom.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/the-super-sweet-blogging-award/.
I hope you will accept it. Even if you wish not to,please know that I really enjoy reading your posts.
Thank you so much!
Than You Hope for visiting my blog, I loved your poem and I think that you are a true poet. It was very beautiful, you have the gift so please keep writing.
Thank you!
Congratulations to you for taking the necessary steps to heal. … I’ve been in therapy for the past four years for similar reasons. I’ve also been working with a naturopath and hormone therapist because I started to have physiological symptoms characterized by hyper anxiety and terrible fatigue. Things are getting better. 🙂 … There is light at the end of the tunnel. Live in hope and be well … Dorothy
Thank you Dorothy! Blessings to you in your continued healing!
thank you for stopping by and the follow 🙂 I do hope you find you Narnia again *Brigid
Thank you so much!
This is a journey that nobody should ever have to take, but unfortunately many of us do.
So very true. Thank you for visiting!
Did recalling the incident that you had blocked out help you any? Or was it better left?
It is kind of two fold. I suppose that is because I am two right now. If I could go back and change the memory would I? I do not know, because “Little Shanna” carried the secret so long all alone. At the same time, and I have to phrase this in a way as not to offend her, but her existence has disrupted my life. My life is completely different than it was before I remembered. I am not the same person. I have fears I did not have before. Part of me thinks it would have been better left in the past, but then I think, I have always have issues with depression and anxiety, and assumed it was the inherited chemical imbalance. I honestly hope that as I work through the memories then I will be able to get to a point that I can at the very least live a happy productive and healthy life on medication, because right now, I am not living. I hope I answered your question. Thanks so much for reading my blog and asking questions! ~Hope
You’re welcome but to probe further from your answer, “to live a happy productive and healthy life on medication,” is that the best they can offer you?
I say it that way because I do indeed have inherited chemical depression also and we do not know where one ends and the other begins. I asked my doctor recently, and many times actually when if ever will the PTSD, or the trauma of the rape not play over and over in my mind. When will I stop fearing every time I see “him” on the street. When will little Shanna be ok. His response was and I paraphrase, when I can look at it like a movie or something in the past, with little or no emotion attached. Then the PTSD cycles will end. There are many types of therapy. I go to a therapist that practices Dialectical behavior therapy. This type of therapy is helping me deal with the past while giving me the skills to defuse the issues of today. Self soothing is really big. You might have read about my MP3s, that is part of my self soothing. On my other blog today I am actually sharing a self soothing technique everyone can use to relax. I love it. It is called mindfulness. I have a couple of doctor appointments today and I will definitely use it. Speaking of that I better get off the computer and get ready. ~Hope
Hope, thank you for linking my blog post (on your other blog). Although I’m not a therapist, I work in the field of mental health, including depression and anxiety, and I hope that the therapy you are engaged in helps you. I’ve also blogged about how the Saviour can support us through depression (in two parts due to length), so check it our if you have the time. Wishing you all the best.
Jeff, are very welcome. Thank you. I look forward to reading your blog. I would not be here if the Saviour had not been beside me every step of the way, and clearing the path as I walk daily. Thanks again. ~Hope